Thursday, November 5, 2009

Who needs an orthodontist when you have gum and/or paperclips??

So last night was family dinner, sans family. Except of course the family member Penny and I wish was missing, our mother. (It was me, Penny, Eli and MOM.)

I am sitting across the table from my mother and notice that she has chewing gum kind of wedged around her front teeth like some sort of bizarre Hubba Bubba Invisalign braces. But not invisible, but GUM like.

So I mention it. She acknowledges that I mention it. She leaves it there all during dinner. We ate salad. and pizza.

What the hell is that?!?

Oh, speaking of 'do it yourself braces'...did any of you wish you had braces or a retainer when you were in middle school and take paper clips and straighten them out then mold them around your teeth and then wear it at school?


oh, me neither.


Amy said...

Oh, thank you for sharing that. It is simply hilarious. I appreciate that other people have crazies around them as well! I think I'm going to cry from laughing.

Jenni said...

Hilarious! And I never made "pretend braces" when I was little either...yeah, me neither!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

Your mom ... well, let's just say she makes for good blog fodder. =)

I started asking for braces when I was really young. And I'd put gum around my teeth trying to feel what it'd be like once I got them. But, I didn't do it at the dinner table. In fact, I don't think I really did it in front of other people at all. And it immediately stopped once I got braces.

DAVs said...

Oh yer Mom.

I used to want braces so bad (I was a buck toothed Betty with a huge gap)..and then I ended up wearing them for FIVE YEARS. Seriously. But I'm so grateful for them, that's for sure.

Shelley said...

I wanted the whole shebang...braces, neckgear and retainer. Sadly for me, my teeth, although Osmond-like in size, were straight. I'm sure my parents were happy, though!

Your mother...I just cannot fathom that she is serious sometimes! Do you think she's secretly trying to see how far she can push you and Penny?

wafelenbak said...

I did the paperclip thing, but I don't think it was out of envy. I knew my teeth were growing in crooked and I hoped to fix them myself.
So typical of me...I'll do it myself!!
(and yeah, eventually I got braces)

Tammie said...


wow. i dont know what else to say.

moving on....i never did the pretend braces thing but i did want glasses really badly and when i was about 7 i wore black and pink sunglasses constantly for about 2 straight weeks and pretended they were real glasses. oh and they were on an eyeglass chain. im sure i looked like a total jackass.

of course the irony is that now i have to wear glasses to see this computer screen. sigh.

Penny said...

How did I miss the gum thing?

I wanted braces because I was a serious buck tooth snaggle atleast that is better.

Lucy said...

What was the gum for????

Nope, never did the paper clip thing but c'mon what was the gum for? (lol)

Alice said...

your mom sort of sounds like a 13 yr old kid acting out.. :-\

i never wished for braces, because i HAD them! retainer thru middle school, then braces through HIGHSCHOOL. lucky me!

Jen L. said...

Dear. Lord. It really just keeps getting better and better (or worse and worse) doesn't it?

I once shoved gum up under my top lip at church and told everyone I had a new retainer. If anyone asked me about it, I'd kind of pretend to cry, like I was embarassed. Yeah, is it any doubt I chose theatre as my profession?

Not Your Aunt B said...

OK, you HAVE to find out what the gum was for. I am dying laughing and have to know.
And I had braces so I just wanted them OFF!

Anonymous said...

Can. Not. Process.

creative kerfuffle said...

wtf was the gum for? really--inquiring minds need to know.
i wanted braces--badly. didn't necessarily need them and i didn't make my own out of paper clips. however--my youngest aunt (who is about 5-6 yrs older than me) had braces and then a retainer. (do you see where this is going?) i was spending the night at my gma's and my aunt was on a date--her retainer was on her dresser. i popped it in my mouth (i was probably 11?) i admired myself in the mirror for awhile. then, it got stuck. i panicked. i eventually got it out, but yeah, i wanted braces.

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