Saturday, November 14, 2009

the girl who eats too many cookies

Last week Mr. P and I had a picture perfect week of healthy, healthy, healthy topped off with a 10K run. I got lots of good regular work done. I woke up feeling perky, with that good muscle stiffness that comes from lots of know what I mean, right?

But this week? Not so much. We have eaten out every.night. And more nights than not (this week) we had adult beverages. or three. All in all, I am not digging how I feel. Sluggish and tired and bloated and blah. That feeling leads to wanting to eat Wendy's or McDonald's "to feel better".

Feeling all pathetic and wilted this morning has me all introspective. I am wondering about Shay from the Biggest Loser. ****SPOILER ALERT**** She started out at 450+ pounds. She lost 100 pounds, then got voted out. Usually when someone gets booted there is a little 'where are they now' update at the end of the show. They didn't show hers. Why not? Did she gain it all back? Plus some?

That is how I got to be 100 pounds overweight. I started out 20 lbs overweight and lost it all in a month in a VERY unhealthy way. Gained it back plus some. Had two babies, and then was 40 pounds overweight. Lost 25 in a few months. Gained 45 back. You see the cycle. If I do that to myself again, I could end up at 300 pounds. I really thought I had broken my cycle and haven't really considered that I would gain all the weight back until last night when I ate 7 cookies. SEVEN. In a matter of minutes. So while I have changed in many, many ways...that tendency is still there.

So I sit here today sadly admitting to the world that even with all my running and talk of healthy choices, underneath that facade, I am, and likely always will be the girl who eats too many cookies.


DAVs said...

It's that whole mindset thing--eat to live not live to eat. But I am NOT criticizing, because I fall into the 'live to eat' camp. In fact, I was home this past weekend and my aunt, who is 78 years old, was eating lunch with us. She took a bite, paused, smiled and said "There isn't anything better I like to do than eat." And I thought to myself: AMEN sister!
I don't know where I was going with this, except to say I feel ya. Don't be too hard on yourself--the thing about food and exercise and healthy living is that there is always a next opportunity to do it right.

Anonymous said...

Oh, H.P., EVERYONE has the tendency to eat 7 cookies once in a while! I think what you're doing is called catastrophizing - I ate seven cookies, which means I haven't really become healthier, which means I'm going to fail and gain back the weight."

The reality is that you've lost a bunch of weight this past year in a sensible manner, you've made great changes to how you eat (like breakfast!), and become an avid runner. So you coasted on your laurels a bit after last week and had a l'il cookie party. It's not the end of the world.

My suggestion would be just to go the grocery and fill the house with healthy food so you won't be tempted to eat out a lot next week. (But that is weird about Shay!)

Shelley said...

What kind of cookies?

I get the vicious cycle of weight loss and regain...and it's scary to think about it, but the fact that you ARE is proof that you are willing to do something to not let it happen.

Lynne said...

I wondered the same thing about Shay.
I was just talking about previous unhealthy habits and how they really don't go away. They just stay underneath the surface until boom, they reemerge. It's scary to think that through all of this work, the same thoughts and actions that made me obese are still there.
Wish I could give you some brilliant insight, but I am currently struggling right now also. Just remember what you ultimately want, and how awesome you felt after the 10K. Tomorrow's another day, or so I keep telling myself. :)

Tammie said...

i think we all feel like this.
i know i have no self control. When ben and jerrys is in the house i eat it all. in one sitting. so to combat that, i dont buy ben and jerrys but a few times a year. my form of self control is just not bringing too much junk in the house in the first place.

that being said, i dont think you should beat yourslef up. you noticed the problem. you are aware of it. move on. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, I just checked the website and Shay's "Where are they now?" is a web exclusive. She now weighs 338 lbs. and looks pretty in yellow ruffles.

Jen L. said...

Ruffles are my weakness. If I start, I cannot stop. I got in trouble while I was pregnant. I thought I could eat whatever I wanted FOR THE BABY. Um, my doctor banned juice in my 6th month. JUICE. Too much of anything can be bad for you, I suppose.

The difference now, though, is that you've taken such control. Any progress is GOOD progress! Good gravy, I used a lot of caps in this comment.

Fatinah said...

they didn't show Shay 'cause she was on Jay Leno right after BL. Marketing ploy!! Anyhow - she is on track and still at it.

kilax said...

Hugs, HP.

I am TOTALLY that girl too. TOTALLY. I go up and down and up and down. Lost 80 pounds, gained 30 this summer, eating healthy now... it makes me wonder if I will EVER be healthy.

I think we can get there though! We learn little habits and we CAN changes. It just takes time. :)

Penny said...

I ate...mmmm...I would say at least 5 brownies today. I get it.

creative kerfuffle said...

i think the fact that you not only realized that you were unheathly (compared to your previous week) but that you noticed the physical difference in how you felt is a huge thing. of course there are going to be days that you eat 7 cookies. but you don't do that every day and you've come so very far this year.

wafelenbak said...

Ha ha, you can tell I'm reading these posts in reverse chronological order because my last comment on your latest post was about eating too much sugar!
I needed to read a lot of these comments because they are a great reminder. Yes, I ate wayyyy too many sweets this past week. I had a particularly horrible period so I am going to use that as my excuse. But regardless, I am doing more things right than wrong than ever before and in the end, I am ahead. Same goes for you, missy. :)

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