All the time cooking.

I have gotten several requests to know more about this "green sauce" that I spoke of the other day...

Here is a link to the WeightWatchers recipe. I did a few things differently...I sauteed celery and fresh jalapenos with the onion...and didn't use any olive oil, just Pam in the pan. I used two big heads of fresh broccoli, 2 cups of fat free chicken broth, and 1/2 cup of low fat cream cheese. I liked it, but I salted and peppered it pretty generously and had it on wheat angel hair with a scidge of shaved parmesan (so if you are counting WW points, it is a bit different than the recipe). Someone in the review section made a comment about not pureeing it...I think I concur as long as you chopped the broccoli pretty small. It made quite a bit. I had it twice, my sister and her husband had some (which they liked but found a bit bland...I forgot to tell her to salt/pepper it after heating it up), and I froze another third of it for a 'rainy day'.

Today I made a Cooking Light macaroni and cheese, and it is good, really good. It is creamy and rich for the times when Annie's isn't going to cut it. BUT, it is a bit spendy...the cheese alone cost $10. (Also...I built the recipe in WW and got 11 points, but the nutritional information on Cooking Light has it at 9 points, and I used whole wheat rotini instead of cavatappi, so not sure where the difference is.)

While on the topic of cooking...last night I made "Chicken Pot Pie innards" (I simmered boneless, skinless chicken breast in chicken broth, added pearl onions, diced potato, mixed veggies and Heart Healthy Cream of Chicken Soup. I had to doctor it with a little bit of butter, skim milk, and lots of pepper and a few healthy dashes of Tabasco. We ate it for dinner with crescent rounds, and that didn't quite get me the experience I was craving, so today I baked a pie shell that I cut into strips (before baking after laying it flat on a baking sheet) and we used the pie crust strips as garnish for a more thorough Chicken Pot Pie experience.

All of these foods I prepared in a way to maximize volume and minimize WW points, and I think they all turned out fantastic. Plus I got to feed my family (I delivered to my sister and my son) some homemade, nutritional food!

(OH, and I mixed an Angel Food cake with a can of crushed pineapple in its juice for a yummy dessert. ONE point for 1/8 of a cake. Now that is some counting I can live with.)

SO....

I failed NaBloPoMo AGAIN...this is two years in a row that I start out great, then my life gets the better of me and I forget to blog, even though I think of the blog several times a day.

We were out of town last weekend at the beach, then came back and I worked Monday night and 12 hours on Tuesday. I took Wednesday as a me day, and did a great long workout, a run, made some "green" pasta sauce that was OUT.STANDING (in my opinion...I gave some to my sister and haven't heard so I am thinking they may not have cared for it and didn't want to hurt my feelings), caught up on Glee, snuggled my sister's new baby, chatted with her 5 year old, went bowling (we are in a league), then worked all Thursday and Friday, then we went out of town again to our first ever "away" college football game.

We got home a few hours ago and I have the base of chicken pot pie simmering in the kitchen and we are relaxing. RELAXING...what a novel thing to do, and man do I need it.

I got an email from Nike+ that they are hosting a 'virtual' half marathon for women in January. I won't be completely ready to run the whole thing, but I was thinking maybe I would do my normal run that day, then work on walking the rest of it throughout the day...anybody interested in doing this with me??? (I do not know all of the details quite yet...I will look them up right now.)

Off the grid

I'm sending this is in from my phone as Mr. P bullshits with a salty dog at a fun little bar at the beach. We ran a bridge today---there were so many pelicans and, get this---butterflies!

We then went for endless crab legs, miniature golf, and watching the sunset at the pier.

Anytime we spend a weekend at the beach, I think we will never top it....then we always do.

Cheers!

Sent from my iPhone

College football, Yay or Nay?

Are you a fan of the game?

I love college football, which could be a HUGE understatement. Mr. P and I talk about it, I talk to my students about it, I talk to my friends about it, I even talk to my parents and my nephew about it. But what I love most about college football is MY college football team.

(If you don't know where I live/where I am from (and care to know, I should add) my team won the.national.champion$hip game this past January.)

One of the "rules" of college football, especially, SEC football, is that not only do you support your team with fervor, you OPPOSE your rivals just as heartily. As luck with have it, our two biggest rivals (or the teams I LOVE to HATE the most (the teams, not the kids on the teams, I get they are kids)) are playing in "THE GAME" tonight.

Puts me in a dilemma: Should I be less unhappy if team (A) wins? That would potentially put them undefeated when they visit us in November giving us the opportunity to derail their national title hopes our own selves? BUT, if they win the title, that gives it to our state 3 times in a row...OR should I be less unhappy if team (L) wins? Team (A), well, IS JUST Team (A).

Either way it should be a hell of a game....(YAY College ball!!!!)

5 days!

I have managed to string together 5 days of exercise (2 outdoor runs, 2 personal training sessions, 60 minutes of elliptical, bike and treadmill) at the same time I counted points (WW) and actually stayed on target all 5 days.

I have also written and submitted a research proposal for '12 summer funding (no teaching), and have nearly finished the work for my Fall classes, except grading.

I have gotten permission (and funding) to go to AUSTRALIA in June. I was asked to teach part of an MBA course this Spring which I'm pretty excited about.

I saw this tree which stuns me with how absolutely in love with the colors I am...stellar 5 days!

You've got what I need.

I like that I can stock up on all the necessities on one aisle.

I've got it bad, I tell you. BAD.

I have not been a good Holidayer the last couple of years. I think a lot of it has to do with my kids not living at home anymore. I miss all the nights of Christmas movie marathons, of cookie masterpieces, and the kids trying to put their junky BEAUTIFUL homemade ornaments on my pretty, pretty tree (not to mention some hideous gold tinsel that they managed to sneak on every year), and Mr. P's light up deer in the LIVING ROOM (not the yard).


I passed on my insatiable love of all things holiday to my kids, and with them out of the house, I don't have their energy to propel me to the levels I normally yearn to go. Plus, last year, our relationships were in the dumps, so Christmas, well Christmas was just off. BUT, time, well time has done her job, and I am SO ready for the holidays that I broke my cardinal rule of no holiday movies prior to November 1 by already watching Love Actually and The Santa Clause (twice). I have already Christmas shopped. and well, last night, it got really weird when I made Mr. P stop the DVR to rewind this commercial:






me: What else is this?


Mr. P: What else is what?


me: What else is this song?


Mr. P: .....


me: I know this is a Christmas song (rewinding for another listen).


Mr. P: .....


Mr. P: (finally, laughing)...OH...it plays in Christmas Vacation when he is in the attic looking at movies.


me: (sighing with happiness) Right, I knew it was a Christmas song. When can we put up lights???

Can I do it?

I am talking about NaBloPoMo (now a part of BlogHer, who's site does not heart me, as it crashed twice when I tried to sign up.)


And the half marathon I registered for yesterday (Seaside Half in March).


And the commitment I made to my trainer to really concentrate on health and wellness until the half (with some allowed and encouraged holiday fare).


And finally, can I talk about what caused me to stop blogging?


Yes. I realize that now I could write about what happened that day about 18 months ago when I typed a blog post only to delete it, shut down blogger and rarely return, but I don't need to (while it might make me feel better, it might make someone(s) feel worse, even if they don't know/read the blog). I have gotten some clarity on why I am how I am and what it will mean to be to be at a "normal" weight. I don't need a fat cloak anymore. I think I have finally outgrown it.

HAUNTED, I tell you. HAUNTED.

A few months ago, Tammie posted a book review for the book, "We need to talk about Kevin". I tend to like a lot of the same stuff, so I downloaded it to my Kindle App on my phone and I started reading it. At first, I thought it was kind of talky just to be talky. Longwinded descriptions of things I didn't care about because I wanted to get to the good stuff. I eventually settled down and really read it. I finished it quite some time ago, but I keep re-reading parts of it, namely the end. Over. and Over.

I have never read a book that has haunted me. When I speak too crossly to one of my children, or not crossly enough. When I am overly critical to a student, or I let something slide. When I let Mr. P out of my sight without telling him something good, or fail to really push my perspective when I feel like he isn't listening. All the time, I think about this book. I know it is fiction. I know it isn't real. But it COULD be, and it could have been me if my kid had a different temperment...my kid was a complete lovey dovey butterball, but if she hadn't MADE me be her mother at times, I wonder what might have been.

I have read several good books, seen a few good movies and even a play. But still, I always feel like I need to talk about Kevin.

6 hours

I am not sure how much of Mr. P's work stuff I have shared here...but a quick recap. Last July Mr. P got laid off from his architecture firm. Within a few weeks he started working for a construction company as their construction coordinator. Well, the firm wasn't doing too well, and Mr. P ended up working as a superintendent at a job site about 40 miles away. He was working crazy hours and I was coming up on my summer of no teaching and the thought of spending ALL my time alone, coupled with Mr. P's general unhappiness we agreed that Mr. P would quit his job.

This decision FREAKED me out way more than I thought when the money stopped coming in, some because I like to have a nice cushion and some because Mr. P wasn't putting the breaks on spending, and some because when two adults have ONLY free time, especially we two adults, we liked going to movies, out to eat, to the beach, out for drinks, etc. which all cost the dollars.

So about three weeks in, I had him apply for a job I found on CRAIG's list, which he promptly got. He now makes just a tad less than he was making at the construction company, but he works, well, no offense to Mr. P, but very little. Well, he works very little outside of our house. He goes to a few meetings a week, and occasionally he does an all-nighter when he gets close to a deadline.

It is a fantastic arrangement. I get to spend all my free time with my husband...he is here every morning while I get ready for work, when I get home from the gym, when I get home from work and I love hanging out with my husband more than anything.....

...BUT, I need time. to. myself. To eat mac and cheese and watch Grey's Anatomy (both of which he hates), to rock out to Glee Pandora and grade projects in my pajamas, to fiddle around the house without listening to hair metal or the History Channel.

We have standing Friday night plans with a large group of friends, which I have skipped the last two Fridays, but forced Mr. P to attend so that I can eat mac & cheese (spinach and fish sticks) and catch up on Grey's, grade projects in my pj's while rocking out to Glee Pandora, and fiddle around the house in the quiet bliss of alone.

And now I got to blog without explaining that I was blogging and I got to pause the television while I went to fix myself a Diet Coke float that I am eating out of a fancy wine glass. Man, I have it good.

Getting back to it

I want to write, I think about writing, but I seem to spend all my online time playing on my farm on Facebook.

I have been thinking about how TIME, simple TIME can resolve so many issues. This time last year I was really struggling with my children, now we are all in a much better place, and while I want to write about it, I need to warm up my writing muscles with a story that my elder child reminded me about a few days ago.

When my kids were in elementary school we had to drive them. Mr. P handled this duty pretty often because my office was the opposite direction, and their school was sort of on the way to his school. One day, Mr. P realized they were pretty early (VERY RARE) and asked the kids if they wanted to grab donuts and chocolate milk before school...and of course, they said yes. So he did a quick look in the mirror, changed lanes and got ready to turn towards the donut spot. My elder child was SHOCKED and asked, "How did the car know that you changed your mind???"


(She thought the turn signals told the driver when to turn.)

This is the child that took the MCAT today and wants to be a doctor. :)

Food logic

FINALLY, I have gotten a significant amount of writing done---all on an alternating diet of Milky Way cake and chips and dip. No food to speak of other than those two food groups. I realized that was getting WAY out of control, so I finished off the cake so that I would quit eating cake. I will get to work on the chips after I get another section of my paper done.

Research Support

So far, my research summer support has paid for the following accomplishments:

• I have watched every episode of The Office.

I never watched it originally because it made me SO uncomfortable. I get embarrassed by characters on television. I have to turn away or change the channel. I watched on HULU and when I needed a break, I would switch to something less stressful for me, like Law & Order: SVU.

• I have mastered all crops (except for one) on Farmville.


• I have committed to THREE new research projects.


• I have committed to teaching an extra course this Fall, which needs to get prepped.


• I have spent 18 days at the beach.


• I have seen: Super 8 (Twice. I loved it.), Hangover 2, Bad Teacher, Horrible Bosses, Transformers 3.


• I got all the way through Couch to 5K week 7, then regressed back to week 4. I wanted to run a half in November, not looking that good.

Now the time is starting to get REALZ. I have 5 weeks until my Fall semester starts and I will be teaching two master's courses (same course, two sections) and a freshman course. In the mean time, we are going to Texas for 6 days and Denver for 5 days. Plus I will certainly spend a good deal of time celebrating my birthday and I am going to Biloxi to see Kathy Griffin. I still need to get significant work done on some research, but instead of working on that tonight, I decided it would be MUCH better to bake this cake and watch Toddlers and Tiaras on Netflix.

Looks like I will be teaching every summer from here on out since I took this summer way more OFF than I really should have. DAMN.

I don't get suicide

A guy from my high school class posted some goofy stuff on Facebook in the morning. Went to his job all day, picking up his step son in the afternoon to help him. Went out to a bar that evening, and ended up getting into an altercation, got arrested for aggravated assault, posted bond (it was only $1000). He went home, went into the backyard and hung himself for said step son to find him when he took his dog out in the morning.

I know that in his mind it likely was the only alternative, but I HATE this. I am so sad for his wife and boys and so damn angry at him, and we weren't even close. But still. SELFISH. STUPID. SELFISH some more. I ache for his 8 year old that now has to carry this weight that his DAD felt was too heavy.

joe.

My dog's full name is Uncle Joe Fred after a colleague's uncle who got really mad about their neighbor "sucking up" all his channel 9 after the neighbor got a satellite dish. When I heard that story, I said, "That is the perfect name for a junkyard looking dog". Then I went with my mom and sister to find my mom a dog, and instead Joe found me.

He is been a pain in our ass for 12 years. The first week we had him he had to have a $900 surgery. We did NOT have $900 to spare on a dog. He still pees in the house (but at least he pees in the bathroom). He chews any writing instrument he can get his grubby little paws on. If I am in the house, he can not be more than 26 inches away from me. Which means I constantly have to be sure I don't step on him or trip on him or knock him over.

I might have to say goodbye to him this afternoon and it is breaking my heart. I think he is in pain and while I think he would keep living with the pain for me, and of course, his treats, I can't do it to him anymore. Something wonky is going on with his eyes, and this morning he fell down the hill in our front yard and got trapped under our Suburban. He just looked at me and thumped his tail while I worked to get him out and back in the house. He is, of course, sleeping right behind me and I feel like such a traitor.

I am so sad. I love this dog so much. More than any dog I have ever loved and I sure do love dogs. He is my dog soul mate. I feel so selfish hoping that I get to keep him longer when I think he has been trying to tell me he is just really tired.

My appointment is at 4. I really hope I have more than 2 more hours with this stupid mutt.


EDITED TO ADD: Somehow, the only things wrong with the critter is arthritis and an eye ulcer...both of which are managable. Mr. P learned how to give him shots (3 times a week for 2 weeks, then once a month), and we learned how to put drops then goop in his eye. He doesn't dig it. I burst into tears when she was going over the options...she thought I was sad about the diagnosis, when really I was SO relieved. There have been times that I think my life would be easier without having to revolve around a high maintenance dog, but when faced with that today I fell apart.

Should I stay or should I go now?

I am struggling. Struggling with my eating. Struggling with getting my exercise. Struggling with Mr. P's disdain for his job. Struggling with my own disappointment in how my job is going. UGH. The horrible part of my struggling is that my life is actually really, really good. I have everything I need and most of what I want.

I love the town where I live. It is a college town. It is OUR college town. I have friends here. My whole (just about) family lives here. I am settled in at my job. I make good money.

HOWEVER, there is an opportunity. The one school I said I MIGHT be willing to leave my school for. It is in bigger city that we love. It is ON water (as opposed to 4 hours away). The school would appreciate my work and give me many opportunities to really further my career. The pay increase would give Mr. P the opportunity to peruse his options.

I would have to give up tenure. I would be leaving a KNOWN for an UNKNOWN. My kids live here. My sister lives here. My nephew(s) live here. If I wanted, I could basically go through the rest of my career collecting my check and teaching two classes a semester.

I don't know. I just.don't.know. Believe me I know that I am trying to figure out if I want to give up my good life for a different good life. I know I am lucky to get to make this type of decision, but damn I am struggling with it.

If the car falls off the track

I made mention of sabatoging myself on this roller coaster of health that I am on...I derail myself and let the car just plunge into oblivion, every.single.time I get even close to a good place for me.

Year before last, I lost 45 pounds in 5 months, and kept it off for nearly 2 years. Then, last year I ran a HALF marathon, and now I am struggling with 2 miles. I actually just started the Couch to 5K program completely from scratch to get back in the groove and to improve my speed a bit. I joined the gym in August and have NEVER gone outside of personal training. NEVER. NOT ONE SINGLE TIME. NOT ONCE. This gym has a movie room, spin classes, Body Pump, Zumba, tons of cardio machines, etc. I go to personal training, walk on the treadmill while I wait for my session...the whole while weirdly hoping my trainer WON'T SHOW UP. I have my session (because he always.shows.up.) and then I leave. I do this once a week. Since I joined the gym? I have gained 20 lbs. mm. Not really the impact I thought it would have.

OH, wait, there is more: I used to have fruit and yogurt for breakfast every day. EVERY day. Now I have a spicy chicken biscuit and Diet Coke, on the days I EVEN BOTHER to eat breakfast. I do manage to eat a good lunch almost every day. Then dinner? Pizza (but "just" a slice with mushrooms and spinach), fast food salads, wings/beer, you name it, if I want it, I have it. I blame Mr. P because he is a bad influence. WHATEVS, I have been married to him during many bouts of healthiness, this is just the phase where I let him dictate our menu. If I choose, he will oblige, but it is just easier to let him lead me down the path of ever loving fried potatos with cheese and jalapenos or puff pastry filled with cheese and delicious. Our water delivery guy QUIT coming to our house because it took forever for us to drink a thing of water, let alone 3....soda was the only thing flowing in our house. We had to dig out a bill to even find his phone number when we finally ran out of water.

So, where do I go from here?

On Week 1 Day 2 of Couch to 5K, with my jogging speed around 12 minute miles (I am normally 13:30ish). I will have personal training twice a week for the next 2 weeks to get into a routine--Tuesdays and Fridays. I will pick ONE class to attend at my gym this week. I went to the store and bought breakfast stuff, yeah, some of it is prepackaged (Quaker Oatmeal Breakfast Cookies, some yummy looking veggie omelet sandwiches), some of it isn't (Fage yogurt, fruit). Until school is out, I will TRY SO HARD not to have a spicy chicken biscuit for breakfast. I will stick with my lunches as it. Dinner? Tonight we had spicy grilled chicken salads, and the nights we are home (we have commitments FOUR nights this week...end of semester crap), we will 'survive' off of salad and pasta. Our water consumption is back where it should be...I will start my day with water, but have Diet Coke during my teaching hours, then back to water.

That is the easy stuff. The hard stuff? Dealing with why I push my car off the track every time I get SO close to getting where I want to be.

Who's life is it anyway?

About a year ago, I was set to post about my weight loss, self-sabatoge circle and why I thought that was occurring. I was actually about halfway through writing that post when I got a call from my daughter that jarred me, and it has taken about a year to wrap my head around everything that has happened as a result of that call. She is FINE, not hurt, not sick, perfectly fine. What we discussed in that phone call is her story to tell, her life, not mine, so I won't go into that here. And maybe that right there is the crux of quite a bit of what has been happening with me. I am realizing at a certain point that our kids are no longer OUR kids. They are integral, important HUGE GIANT portions of our life, but guess what? Their lives are THEIRS. To try, to learn, to make mistakes and to have victories and all that goes along with figuring out who they are and who they want to be. When kids are little, and YOURS, you make their decisions and you make sure they are safe and happy and warm. But now? They have to figure out how to live their lives so that they can create their own safety and happiness and warmth. Parenting has never been tougher, the lows have never been lower, but the highs have never been higher. The pride that comes from watching your adult children make good decisions that will lead them to happiness, safety and warmth is divine.

people are interesting

Lots of stuff has been going on, so MUCH stuff that I am having a hard time figuring out where to start and how to even organize it without one, giant, comma, filled rambling sentence with lots of CAPITAL letters and words that I make up.

So I will start with this interaction I had just two hours ago.

I went to lunch and on my way back to my office I notice a guy walking towards me walking a pretend dog...or pretending like he is walking a dog... not sure the distinction is important, but I was getting hung up on how to describe it.

So for some reason I don't really even understand, I smiled at him and said, "What kind of dog is that?"

Without hesitation he said, "I am not pretending to walk a dog, I am pretending to smoke a cigarette."

the bottom of an ant's pants

Ant hem. HA HA HA HA.

I love Glee.

That's all.

OH, and I got an awesome necklace (a capsaicin molecule) for Valentine's Day and some potted tulips (that Mr. P thought was a hydrangea) and flowers and a bag of cinnamon hearts that I already ate.

summer FUNding

Rumor on the street (well not really the street, more like the hallway, or the announcement in our faculty meeting this morning) is that my proposal for summer funding was APPROVED. I am thrilled. It means I do not have to teach this summer, but I still get PAID.

YAY ME!!


(I still have to work, I just get to focus on research which I can do anywhere, and can get done this spring if I plan right and work hard!)

Is recycling just my religion?

One of my old coworkers (a coworker from a long time ago, not a coworker that is OLD) has arthritis, and once a month has to see her rheumatologist (I think that is the right word...arthritis doctor) and everytime she has an appointment she makes some comment on Facebook about how she is going to visit her favorite Muslim and she hopes she has a "divine" meeting. Someone asked her to explain, and she made some comment about getting him to see the way, or something equally obnoxious about making her doctor love Jesus. I remember once her and I having a conversation that it was my duty as a wife to serve Mr. P. I think I laughed right out loud. ANYWAY, her most recent visit is today, and just as I was about to DeFriend her, I got thinking about something I did to my friend on Friday night.

Friday night we went to a friend's house to play poker and we were having some snacks and beers. After I finished a beer, I asked him where to put the can. He said in the black container at the end of the counter. It was the trash can. I was really shocked. I said in a very loud super judgey voice, "YOU DON'T RECYCLE???" and he said, "No, I don't really care about the Earth...I don't have kids to leave it to anyway." Then, Mr. P, me and another friend harrassed him for 10 minutes about how easy it is to recycle and how he should and on and on and on. We were kind of relentless until he caved and said he would start.

Did I do the same thing to my friend about recycling that my co-worker is trying to do to her doctor...just swapping Mother Earth for Brother Jesus?

Tales of a slug

Seems I have spent SO MUCH time fretting over the beehive, and another situation I have yet to write a bug related metaphor for, that I forgot that I need to spend some time focused on ME. I have run three times IN A MONTH. I have been to the gym every week...for 30 minutes of personal training. I have eaten whatever and whenever I damn well pleased. My house is cluttery and dusty and the glass surfaces are so fingerprinty. When I get home in the dark darkness at 5pm, I sit on the couch with my iPad or laptop, find food to order online, and then spend the evening NOT thinking about anything of import. I go to bed at 10 and get up at 9. I am wearing yoga pants (that are too tight and bulge inappropriately) and tshirts every day unless I have to dress for class. My hair is perpetually in a pony tail, I haven't bothered with mascara in a week, and I think I could donate my leg hair to make wigs.

But the sun is out today and it is gorgeous. I went on a (short) run. I went to the gym (but I didn't get to workout, apparently I can't tell time). I went out for a salad. Then I went and picked out paint for 'the office' ---yes we have lived here for 6 months and that room is still a cluster. Then I stopped in Old Navy and they had some cutie pie dresses to wear with leggings, and I had ordered two more online from Lane Bryant that got here today. not a damn one fits appropriately. fuck me.

When I was cursing myself, I started thinking about this last year...I realized that I have let MY perceptions of other people's feelings cloud how I feel about myself. I used that mixed up shit to influence how I felt about running, boating, going on trips, eating, working, even freaking watching television. In all of that, I lost myself because I was so worried that my lifestyle was "wrong" or was hurting someone else's feelings.

I am going to try as hard as I can to let that go, and go back to living MY life the way I want. I don't want to be a slug. I don't really want to be a bee either. A butterfly is too cliche. Okay, the bug talk has gotten me off track...I am going to take a shower.

Honey or Jam?

Let's say, a honey bee that is part of a big hive of bees, was all of a sudden told...we do not really care for the honey that much anymore. We prefer jam. We know we brought you in to make honey, and actually we want you to keep making honey because we like that other hives know how good of a honey bee you are, BUT we are only going to give you clovers (bee money, DUH) if you are making some delicious JAM.

AND, AND, AND, we are going to require you to do a bunch more pollen collecting because remember we don't really like the honey and you really need to be making jam, even though everyone knows that honeybees don't even really know how to make very good jam.

When the hell does the freaking Dean QUEEN BEE expect that bee to make the jam????

sometimes.

Sometimes you find out that what you have worked for so hard is no longer valued.

Sometimes people lie and it just really hurts to know that you are so in the dark.

Sometimes you hear a song on the radio and it takes your breath away with the memories.

Sometimes you know that things can't stay the way they are, no matter how hard you fight to hold on to the past.

Sometimes, things hurt so much you can't bear it.

But sometimes, you find a pair of monkey slippers on your pillow after a horrible day, and you know you are loved.

And that, sometimes, is all that really matters.

Hotel sex is totally worth $12

I love hotels. I mean, I really, ridiculously love hotels. One of my favorite things about my job is that twice a year I get to go to really nice hotels courtesy of my school to attend conferences. I am in such a hotel right now. The Intercontinental Hotel in Atlanta. Here is my room (it was better before I junked it up with all my stuff, but I got here early to work, then I went to a reception and had THREE free Michelob Ultras so I am not cleaning up for pictures):




Here is the bathroom. I am totally have a bubble bath in that sucker tomorrow after my run. BOO.YAH.

But my favorite part of nice hotels? THE MINI BAR. I rarely get anything out of it, I just love knowing that I can. I get per diem when I am away, and I usually don't even come close to spending it, so if I want a $3 bag of M&M's then I am going to get them. (Last year I got a glass bear fully of horrid gummy bears for $9. Totally worth it.) This hotel offers a little something extra in the mini-bar that I have never seen before.....

BWAH HA HA...$12 for an "Intimacy Kit"? I totally want to know what you get for $12, because Mr. P is joining me tomorrow...wink wink. Sadly though, I can't find where the kit is...and there is no way I am asking about it.

So my slides are just about done, I am a little drunk, and I am waiting for my ROOM SERVICE club sandwich and mixed greens. Today, I love my job.

P.S. Texas Caviar is chopped onion, chopped peppers (whatever color(s) you want), chopped jalapeno, chopped habanero (only for the very brave), chopped cucumber, cans of black beans, black eyed peas, white corn and yellow corn (all drained). Salt, pepper and italian dressing. Easy peasy and delicious.

So, slept came

and had me under its spell for FOURTEEN hours. Oh my. I got up at 12:45pm today. I woke up once when Mr. P was getting ready for work and I was so disoriented I thought our house was flooding...it was raining and I could hear it just pouring in, but really it was Mr. P in the shower. I did take a generic sleep aid, but I think my lack of good sleep the last few nights contributed as well.

That meant my day was severly cut short. I ran and took 6 minutes off my 1.5 mile time from Monday. I think it was because today sucked ass weather wise, and I just wanted to get my butt home. I went to my office because I have to get my stuff for my conference which starts tomorrow, and I have yet to finalize my presentation...but that isn't until Saturday morning. I have to go by myself tomorrow, so I will have tomorrow afternoon and night to work in the hotel room. Mr. P will join me on Friday so we can watch the Cotton Bowl together with some friends at the conference. Would it interest you to know that my presentation is on procra$tination and its effect on tech.nology use in the workplace? (I put that $ and . in there because people in my field are known to google titles, and I really, really, don't need them to find this blog.) OH, that isn't interesting? mm.

So today was such a bummer weather wise, that I counted the days until it is officially spring. 75 days. Damn. To combat my rainy day blues, I made this:

It is Texas Caviar that Mr. P and I are going to eat on spring mix with some rotisserie chicken for dinner tonight. Isn't it bright and cheerful? Yes, it is about 16 cups, because I don't really know how to make less than that. My kids will finish it off while dog sitting this weekend, I am sure.

Oh, and if you like Sonic Cherry Limeaids, Diet Cherry 7-Up is a pretty tasty subsitute.

Guilt 1, Potcheries 0

After not being able to sleep worth a crap for the last two nights (post big boat visit), Mr. P and I decided today to not buy THAT big boat. We would have had to get a loan for part of it, and after a few days of soul searching, we decided to look for a boat a bit older, and a bit less expensive, and I finally feel more at ease and I am hoping that sleep comes to me tonight.



I should say WE didn't decide, Mr. P decided, but I am oh so glad. I won't tell him no when it comes to this because we have spent so much time doing what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it, that I want him to have this. Plus my rationale for saying no is that I feel guilty for doing something so awesome when I know my kids are struggling. I know that Mr. P and I have WORKED for what we have...but guilt has built a house of brick within my brain and I just can't get that damn thing blown down. (VERY obscure reference to the 3 Little Pigs, and I am not sure why I did that.)


Anyways, I have been sleeping shittily, and thus feeling shitty because I am a girl who's very existence is tied to sleeping, so today I decided to go for a nice walk because it was gorgeous and sunny and near 60 degrees and I was hoping good outside air would help me sleep. I walked to the park and then "played" on their exercise equipment.





I went to work, then home for red beans and rice, and then crocheted for a bit. I am definitely making progress. I think Mr. P is already quite tired of, "Look at this...does it look like real crochet?" "Hey, look...I made this CIRCLE just out of YARN", and "WOW, did you ever know I could be such a great crocheter???"

I might be done with my first "project" in about a week. Aren't you JUST SO EXCITED???

ONLY 1.5 miles

I remember about 9 months ago, if my training called for a 1.5 mile run, I could basically head out in my jeans...wait, while on the topic of jeans, how do you guys feel about PAJAMA jeans? At first I laughed at the mere name, but then I watched the video. Considering my new pants of choice are yoga pants, which are really just like pajama pants, maybe they aren't as stupid as I think that I should think that they are, and maybe instead they are awesome. But to be a better judge I think I need to see some on a regular person...so if any of you are rocking the pajama jeans, will you please let me know?

ANYWAY, I picked out a new running program and I got started today with a 1.5 mile run. It was hard. It took me 24 minutes to go 1.6 miles. YIKES. On the topic of YIKES, I weighed in today, I am back to my March 2, 2009 weight. YIKES. 18 pounds higher than my weight this time last year. YIKES. YIKES. YIKES.

Since I have blogged and posted pictures every.single.day in 2K11, I don't want to wreck my streak, so here is one of my favorite Christmas prizes of this year courtesy of my sister.

May I present the CHRISTMAS CRAWDAD----

Might as well jump right on in.

This morning, Mr. P and I went to look at a boat. A BIG boat. It is a fantastic deal. It is exactly what we have been dreaming about buying. It could be our floating RV at the lake and the beach all summer. It has A/C and TV (besides water, my favorite two things of summer). We can afford it. We haven't completely decided, but we are fairly certain that we are going to give big boating a shot. We love little boating. big>little, so it stands to reason that big boating>little boating. Why then am I close to saying "No"? It is because I don't want to hurt our kids feelings that we are cutting them off the same time we are making a fairly extravagant purchase.



The boat was very close to a Bass Pro Shop, so we stopped to look at all the fish in their giant fish tank. It is sort of like a redneck aquarium in there.

Then we stopped at a craft store so that I could buy supplies for my crocheting.

I have managed to master the chain stitch and am getting better at a single crochet. I have spent most of the evening on this square shown on Mr. P's ankle to demonstrate scale. I think I might actually like crocheting, but I feel ultra old, with my bucket o'yarn and needles next to my chair. I will say, that holding the yarn and concentrating makes snacking pretty difficult.

So, on tap for tomorrow---start figuring out my workout/work routine that works with my class schedule, gym schedule and Mr. P schedule. Plus, I just remembered this afternoon that I have to present a paper at a conference on THURSDAY, so I may want to take a look at that.

Grapes are the new gold

I went to the store to get some grazing foods for the rest of today and tomorrow. Mr. P wanted Chinese, but I was feeling fruit/cheese/crackers/hummus/crudites/pretzels/perhaps a nacho.

Note how I wrote crudites? It is 2K11 and I am all about Klassy in 2K11.

Anyhow, I got some grapes:

I dare you to get how much I paid for said grapes.

No, really guess.

Pretty close.

TEN DOLLARS and THIRTY SEVEN CENTS.

Fuck me. No wonder in 2K11 I never bothered with WeightWatchers more than 2 days in a row, and all but quit running and gained 20lbs back. Grapes cost some freaking jack.

BUT no worries, I got them anyway and now I can graze on this:

I hope everyone finds 2011 to be the best year yet. I also hope to learn to crochet...which I have dubbed a necessary two-handed hobby that prevents food from being put into mouth while hobbying. I hope to put together a puzzle my school bestie sent me for getting tenure. I hope to get my shit together with respect to healthy, healthy, healthy. I hope to work on my relationships with my adults. I hope to grow the balls to ask for what I want/need at work to be really happy and to feel like the equal that I know that I am in a fairly predominant male office. I hope Mr. P gets the boat of his dreams and we have a divine summer on the water.

Here's to hoping on hopes.