Thursday, April 14, 2011
Who's life is it anyway?
About a year ago, I was set to post about my weight loss, self-sabatoge circle and why I thought that was occurring. I was actually about halfway through writing that post when I got a call from my daughter that jarred me, and it has taken about a year to wrap my head around everything that has happened as a result of that call. She is FINE, not hurt, not sick, perfectly fine. What we discussed in that phone call is her story to tell, her life, not mine, so I won't go into that here. And maybe that right there is the crux of quite a bit of what has been happening with me. I am realizing at a certain point that our kids are no longer OUR kids. They are integral, important HUGE GIANT portions of our life, but guess what? Their lives are THEIRS. To try, to learn, to make mistakes and to have victories and all that goes along with figuring out who they are and who they want to be. When kids are little, and YOURS, you make their decisions and you make sure they are safe and happy and warm. But now? They have to figure out how to live their lives so that they can create their own safety and happiness and warmth. Parenting has never been tougher, the lows have never been lower, but the highs have never been higher. The pride that comes from watching your adult children make good decisions that will lead them to happiness, safety and warmth is divine.
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5 comments:
Dude, you sound so... grown up. I know everything you said is true, but it still scares the shit out of me. As much as my kid drives me crazy, the transition from managing every moment of your child's life to letting them take the wheel seems like it would be fairly traumatic. & cause for much drinking. :)
i feel like i'm daniel-san and you're mr. miyagi. wax on, wax off. i am just skirting around the edges of this and already i don't like it. i too think you sound very grown up. i also think it sounds like even though it has taken a year, you have figured out a lot of things. and i think it's cool that you aren't telling your daughter's story because it is not yours to tell, even though it is your blog.
i really like this.
also, i hope your blog is still around in ten years when i have adult children. i may need to reread this post.
So true, about letting your adult kids make their own way through life. You KNOW it's necessary, you KNOW it's the right thing to do, and yet it's so hard to step back and let them do it. Hope, a year later, that your daughter is doing well with whatever her decision was.
At some point you have to trust that YOUR parenting has provided your children with the TOOLS they need to DIRECT their lives. I'm quite certain it's a tough transition on a number of levels.
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