Monday, December 1, 2008

3 Days Down.

Did you know that Christmas is in 24 days, which is 3 1/2 weeks away?

Being out of commission the last three days has put a serious kabash on my Christmas preparations...the only thing we have are the Advent calendars I bought in SEPTEMBER. When I was telling Mr. P that there was some prep work involved in getting them ready, he asked me, "So, did you buy yourself one?"

Yeah, jackass, I did.

Maybe because I am feeling better enough to go to work, but not really better, better, but I am feeling very upset with Mr. P. I am in a rut where I feel like he is taking advantage of me, and not in a good way.

He quit smoking in January and I made a huge freaking deal out of it and he milked it for attention AND presents. In August he started smoking again on the stealth, which meant he hid it. Occassionally I wouldn't be able to find him, which drives me bat shit, and it would be because he was smoking. Now, since I know he is smoking again, he just smokes whenever he feels like it, and there has been FIVE times over the weekend where I needed him for something, and I couldn't find him. Twice I needed his immediate assistance, and luckily a kid was there to help.

On birthdays, Valentine's Day, whenever it is an occassion where I should reasonably expect a card or present, I know he will be late from work, because GOD FORBID he plan ahead.

I KNOW the holidays should not just be about presents. I get it. I am nearly 40 years old. But there have only been TWO Christmases out of twenty where he has planned and surprised me. But I have surprised him every. single. one. Believe me, after the first 5, I quit trying to have him "read my mind".

I guess my feelings are hurt because in September I told him I bought him and the kids Advent Calendars, and he was even brazen enough to ask if I had gotten him a Lego one. I had.

I figured then he had 2 MONTHS to buy or make me one. But guess what I got when I pulled them out and gave him his. Lego. one?

"So, did you buy yourself one?"


ETA: I decided that I shouldn't play the passive-aggressive victim and I should just tell Mr. P that I am upset AFTER he asks me if I opened my first box on the calendar in such a way that I feel like he is taking credit for getting me the calendar, even though he just put it together.

Me: I am upset.
Mr. P: Why?
Me: I told you about the calendars in September, right?
Mr. P: Yeah.
Me: Then last night when I give them to you to set up, you ask if I bought myself one.
Mr. P: Yeah.
Me: What if I hadn't?
Mr. P: Eyeroll, and walk away.

I can feel myself losing my shit right now. Oh, and I know I am irrational and am blowing a fucking Advent calendar (sorry, Jesus) way out of proportion but I decided that ranting on this blog is better than driving to his office and shoving the plastic tree that I got for December 1 right up his ass.


tara said...

I think I can safely say that I know exactly where you are coming from. It's not about gifts, it's about being the most important thing to him for one frigging moment of his life. It's about being appreciated and recognized and honored. It's about feeling special.

And it's about not having to read his mind. They think we know how they feel. They think they shouldn't have to say it. Ack. Boys.

Marmite Breath said...

Oh my God, seriously? This is my LIFE! I have cried rivers over Aaron forgetting my birthday, Valentines, anniversary, etc. And as the years went on, I gave reminders, even though it made me feel tacky. And even BLATANT reminders did not work.

And the smoking thing? I told him that all I wanted for Christmas was for him to quit. Because if I hear one more time, "I'm just going outside for a quick second" I will lose it.

You are not alone, dear HotchPotch!

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Oh, Hotch Potch! We've all been there with you. Men! They drive me to drink, I swear it.

Tracy said...

I keep forgetting to ask you what happened with the smoking, that sucks, he had done so well.

Yeah, I'm weird with presents too. Sometimes Warren does awesome, and sometimes he does awful. I love my Advent Calender but I had to pick it out and tell him when to go get it, I might as well have gotten it myself.

Swistle said...

OMG, I totally know what you mean. It has nothing to do with presents, it has to do with CONSIDERATION and THOUGHTFULNESS. Is he considering me at all, does he think of me at all, does he care about me and want to do things to make me happy just because he loves me and it's natural to want to make someone you love happy? or does he only care about himself? It's not a small issue at all, it's a HUGE issue.

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