No more extremes...

I have FINALLY escaped the extreme obesity category of BMI's as I now have a BMI of under 40! (Now it is 39.8, but that is UNDER 40!) It is really quite a relief to just be plain old vanilla obese without the extra verbiage of EXTRA, MORBIDLY, SUPER FATTY FAT FAT.

I only lost .4 lbs this week, but I consider that a victory considering the weekend consisted of visiting with my best high school girlfriends away from home at a very nice resort in close proximity to great steakhouses, and P.F. Changs AND Cheesecake Factory. I made better choices, but still completely enjoyed myself with respect to food and drink!

This is the 5th summer that I have gotten together with my girlfriends (just the girls) and we spend quite a bit of time eating, but also shopping. The shopping has been nightmarish for me because my girlfriends...all size medium at the MOST, so they like to peruse the clearance racks at the big department stores and the women's sizes (I now despise being called a woman, fyi) are never in the same place, and let's face it, department stores really like us fatties to wear BOWS, and FLOWERS, and WINNIE THE POOH, so I either had to pretend to look at clothes that would never fit or go browse by myself...both options SUCK.

However, this year I was able to peruse without the "you MUST be shopping for someone else" look plastered on all the sales people. BUT, I was only able to get pajamas while shopping because I am at a weird size...the 1X's were too frumpy, but the XL's were too clingy. I will say, the shopping portions of the weekend were much more fun this year, because I saw lots of cute things that are within reach!!

Next year I will be sure to have shopping money and a shopping ass!

She doesn't like the letter "W" anymore

Here is a text conversation that I had with my sister yesterday:


Penny: Mom can't live on west [ ] anymore because she doesn't like "w"s.
HP: What?
Penny: She doesn't like that letter, duh.
HP: As in [OUR LAST NAME]
Penny: Right, dad. And all the other men she dated had a w in their name, except Tommy and he's dead. (my sister is just relaying mom's 'logic' here...not her words)

My mother called Penny and asked her to check out a different place for her to live...I figured it was our insistence that her being the lone old lady at a college complex might be weird, but she told Penny it was the whole "w" thing...and unlike me, Penny doesn't probe her when she says these insane things, but apparently mom persevered and got in her explanation anyhow (see the boyfriend explanation above).


But, alas, the new place was already rented, so she is back to the dastardly "W" place but supposedly there is a 'path' that will take her out onto a different street so the "W" wouldn't really count. (I don't dare tell her the different street....it is a "West" too.)



damn she is a fuckanoodle.

I don't even know myself anymore....

Yesterday Mr. P informs me that he has to leave the house at 6am to be on a job site at 8am Eastern time (we live in Central time, but very close to the border). I do some quick time math and realize that if I relied on Mr. P for a ride to work, I likely would not get my run in before I went in to work, and that just wasn't going to work for me. WHAT?!?

So, instead of getting up a bit later and just skipping my run, I got up EXTRA early (WHAT?!?)and ran under the stars for the first half of my morning 5K, then watched the sun come up for the second half, showered, fixed my BREAKFAST (WHAT?!?) and then walked to the bus stop (a mile away) and headed into work.

Taught my classes, then remembered there is a catered work lunch. I went in, chatted for a bit, then promptly left even.though. there were chicken salad croissants. and brownies. (WHAT?!?) Instead, I am about to take a quick walk downtown with my book and enjoy a 6.5 point lunch because my sister just texted and asked if we wanted to meet for dinner (YES) and I want to be conservative with my lunch points.

There is some other stuff...I had a work thing last night and at the end there was an ice.cream.cart. I easily picked strawberry sorbet (but then sadly came to realize has lots of points anyhoo), and then came home and ate a packet of spinach and a packet of corn for dinner...no, NOT balanced...but I was hungry, and it was that or split a frozen pizza with Mr. P. Then I even passed up Diet Coke, because I wanted to skip the nighttime caffeine so I could sleep well to get up and be ready to go today.

Are all my choices coming this easy? NO, but for some reason they are today.

OH, and I know you all think I am a bitch for being mean regarding my mother's decor, but DUDES....come on....you know it is bizarre to put up wallpaper in an APARTMENT that you are renting for just a few years. Maybe it would help if you knew she got the wallpaper for $.99 a roll AND nearly every wall in that apartment is painted a different color. Doors too. And that she dug my sister's husband's old boxers out of her trash to use as 'rags' and that she still has clothes my sister wore in 8th grade that she wears.to.work. My sister is 32. 32.

It is all a matter of taste

I am quite sure that anyone of you who entered my home would severely question my taste. I have a bathroom painted nearly fluorescent orange with a cat and dog theme. I collect plastic animals from places that Mr. P and I have visited, and I display them proudly. I let Mr. P choose the furniture for our living room, and let's just say that a maroon sectional is not getting us into Architectural Digest.


While I am quirky, my Mom is downright, my sister likes to say tacky, and well, I just go with a plain old hideous, but I will let you choose your own adjective. This is a recent picture of her living room of her APARTMENT. Now me? I especially love the pine straw woven around the curtain rod AND the bathroom shelving unit blocking the door:



Now, here we have the dining room, and the hallway to the bedroom and bathroom. I super love the curtains with the fake butterfly leading into the little hallway AND the very flowery wallpaper. My aunt thinks it is just.like. a Provencal cottage. I completely see that.

So, now do you get a little more why her moving into my house might not be my favorite idea?!?

It is official she is NOT moving into my house, she is moving into a college apartment complex....because they have a pool and workout area. I am sure those college kids will dig her bikini top and cut off sweat pants as much as I do!

what else goes with habanero mustard?

Last weekend when Mr. P and I were getting our groceries we happened upon Habanero Mustard...we are both HUGE fans of the hottiest hot foods so it went right in the cart.

Yesterday for lunch we had tiny ham and swiss sandwiches with the mustard. YUM. Now it might have helped that we were in the middle of the lake on a perfectly awesomely gorgeous day, but still...Last night Mr. P wanted more food that we could eat with the mustard so we got some cheddar sausages...mine was outstanding. Sadly, Mr. P dropped his two on the floor, but he rinsed them, then microwaved them, and still thought they were tastey. I also found some veggie eggrolls with wheat wrappers that worked well with THE mustard.

Now we are at a loss...most things that we are coming up with to go with the mustard...hot dogs, cheeseburgers, corn dogs, mini-corn dogs, don't really go with having to weigh-in tomorrow. IDEAS???

P.S. Should I be concerned that Mr. P is GIDDY over discovering a Bridezillas marathon on WE?

my name is HP and

I love Costco and an empty house.

Even though CK2 moved out over a week ago, we have barely had two nights at home together since then...my Dad showed up for two days, my cousin from Virginia that I hadn't seen in 6 years was in Alabama for business and she visited the latter half of the week, actually we just got back from taking her to the airport, and we should have a stretch of a week being home alone. (Then I take off for a weekend with my friends from high school.)

On our way home from the airport we decided to cruise around a Costco to see if it was any better than Sam's...we have a Sam's in our town, and we would have to drive an hour to go to shop at a Costco, so it would have to be really good because I don't dig riding in the car, but...OH.MY.COSTCO. I am in complete love. They have all the stuff I like, Kashi, cheese, fruit, boneless/skinless chicken breast in two portion packets (perfect for empty nesters, like myself and Mr. P), lots of delicious looking stuff. We didn't join and shop today, because we didn't have a cooler with us, but one night this week I will be feasting on horseradish cheddar cheese on multi-grain crackers, and maybe a piece of grilled chicken mixed into a bowl of couscous pasta salad....mmm.

I also saw an INCREDIBLY tacky AWESOME chandelier that I totally want to have even though it is quite ridiculous. Check it here. I want to put colored Christmas lights in it. I can not even believe how much I want it. I just left Costco two hours ago, and I had to look it up online as soon as I got home (they only had gold, and I wanted to see it in chrome). It would be an incredibly stupid buy at this point considering I live in a rental for now, and I have no idea what/where we are moving into next July.

Speaking of moving, we got this email from my mom today:

I will be moving to [redacted] Apartments sometime around Oct20 to nov 15-excited, mom

That was the complete message. It made my stomach hurt, but as my sister pointed out, there is good news---apparently she realized I wasn't keen on the moving in with me plan.

On the way home the weather was weird...first we saw these low, low clouds:

Then it POURED. Then the sky looked like this:

Now I am in complete heaven watching a Criminal Minds marathon on my new chaise that Mr. P bought me last Friday. Z's will be fast approaching I am sure. I think we might try to go to the lake for a few hours tomorrow, or we might be TOO lazy and watch television all day and do mock fantasy football drafts and eat take out Mellow Mushroom.

It was fun just to get to ask

I think many of you know that my sister moved to my town last week, and our houses are 4.2 miles apart. We have accordioned most of our lives....we lived together, then far apart, then closer together, then VERY far apart, then closer together, then far apart, then further apart, and now close together for the first time in 9 years, exactly today, because we moved to Texas the day after my sister got married, and today is her anniversary.

Did you get my super awesome symbolism? Get it, like an accordion? My mom plays the accordion---by choice, if that gives you any insight....

Today after class I was getting ready to go to lunch and I got a lightning bolt. DUDE, your sister lives here, maybe she can go to lunch?!?!? So I texted her, and boo, she was busy, but it was GREAT that it was even possible. In retrospect she is probably glad that she was buying her new router because here is how the end of lunch went:

Me: I am ready for my check.
Server Girl: Here you go, I will take it when you are ready.
Me: (Putting my credit card on the receipt) All set.
Server Girl: (WALKED AWAY)
Me: (in my brain) What the fuck?
Server Girl: (comes back) Can I get you a 'To Go' cup?
Me: Sure, I'm all set.
Server Girl: (comes back with soda in a paper cup) Whenever you are ready...
Me: (in my brain) WHAT THE FUCK?

So I snatch up my card and my receipt ready to go pay my own damn self and that is when I realized I put a Chick Fil A gift card down instead of my credit card.

oops.

P.S. I was NOT at Chick Fil A.

maybe it isn't about the books----

One thing I don't get about being a professor is how I am seemingly responsible for personally stocking the bookstores with the text that I am requiring. I put my syllabus and a reading schedule on the course website WEEKS ago that included the information that there was required reading for tomorrow's class. I read my students the riot act on Monday that they are.to.be.prepared.for.class. So, today, I must have heard from 10 students that they can't find the books in any bookstore around and what-so-ever should they do??? These are GRADUATE students---duh---heard of Amazon.com? BooksAMillion? Any of a hundred different options for buying books? (I assign a reference book, not a text book.)

But better yet, not only can they not find the books...but what should they do to prepare since they don't have the book...they can't read the assigned pages....OH MY, there are no other books or information anywhere on the Internet or in the real world that gives a basic overview of the material...NO WHERE. fucking idiots. This is going to be an awesome semester.

Maybe it is about the time I head to CVS for some Midol. Ya think?

Quick updates:

~The energy is still escaping me.
~Going green is going quite well so far. I took the shuttle today, and I liked it!

um...when is the energy going to hit?

I kick off my Fall semester classes in 42 minutes, and I am doing my absolute best to try to keep focused and awake. I read all over the blogosphere and on the WeightWatcher's site that getting up and exercising before work has all these benefits, namely more energy throughout the day.

Since I am not a morning person anyhoo, I figured, what the hell...I will give it a shot.

So at 5:30 this morning I set out and did a 5K (listening to the audiobook of The Traveler's Wife--which made it go by FAST), came home, packed my yogurt breakfast, took a shower, got ready for work and here at work I sit. waiting. for the energy.

going GREEN, err, purple?

When the baby bird left the nest on Wednesday, he took the car that he and I had been sharing for several years. That leaves me carless, and while Mr. P is all prepared to buy another vehicle, I asked him to put on the brakes---

When I went to the Museum of Natural History, specifically a special exhibit about the effects of human action on the climate, I pledged to work on decreasing my carbon footprint. I turned our A/C up a degree, I took my shopping bags to the store today, and I have decided to go the next two months using public transportation as much as I can. Now that is a bit more difficult in my town due to lesser public transportation options, but there is a university transit system and I have purchased my bus pass for the next two semester and have investigated the bus stops closest to the gym, my house, my office and my nail salon. My office is on the way to Mr. P's office, so I will take Mr. P's bus service to work on Monday and Wednesday mornings, because I teach fairly early, 9:30, and I can't risk being late to class, even for an environmental cause!

Here I come Purple line!

when in doubt, FLUFFERNUT

This week I have tried to jump on the eating breakfast bandwagon. I started with the Kashi/yogurt/fruit combo, and I am really enjoying it...but I know me, and I will get bored shortly....which got me thinking back to when during the winter Swistle wrote about her love of her baked oatmeal recipe, and I have been wanting to try oatmeal with accouterments ever since...okay, okay, I will wait if you want to go look, BUT even though she is completely awesome, come.back.

As I spent time this week thinking about oatmeal, I remembered that I bought some steel cut oats a few weeks ago when Amy challenged us to create a whole grain meal. (Which I did not do, by the by.) However, as I was thinking about oats, steel cut oats, little snippets of those Fluffernutter cupcakes kept butting into my brain and confusing me.

So, guess what I did? I made up a batch of steel cut oats:

Then I added a tablespoon of peanutbutter, and nearly TWO tablespoons of marshmallow creme. OH MY.

I tallied the points: 5, but it took me awhile to eat (which I like), and was delicious (which I love), and I actually enjoyed it more than the cupcake (it didn't taste better, I am not HIGH, but had elements of healthy and decadent...not just decadent) and now 2 episodes of Nurse Jacky later (THANKS, Nilsa), I am still feeling quite content on the hunger front.

Now we just have to see if I can stay out of the marshmallow creme..... (I won't tell you how I calculated the Points for the whole jar just in case I lost my mind and ate it.)

OH, and thanks for all the well wishes regarding my empty nest...but do not fear, I am FINE. Mr. P is on his way home from his last moving chore, bringing giant Low Cal Diet Cherry Limeades...then maybe we will be having some naked time in the...well, ANYwhere we want!!!

empty nesting

I am sitting alone in my house, the only things I can hear are the dryer, air conditioner, and now the clickety clack of my laptop keyboard.



The baby bird moved (partially, we will move the rest of the stuff tomorrow using Penny's moving truck) into his very own nest at 1pm today. I went with him to pick up his keys, and to get a look, since I hadn't seen it yet. It is a cute apartment, pretty big, and a very.sweet.bathroom.

As he drove away I told him to text when he got there, and then again every 5 minutes. I was kidding. sort of.

I guess I can catch up with all his goings on when we meet him for dinner tonight at 6pm.

my PhD is being severly compromised

by my own lack of, well, of something...maybe common sense, maybe regular sense, but man, something is preventing all my synapses from firing...a few examples:

~My sister and I are sitting across my dining room table from each other (when she was blogging about my mother actually) and I am writing down an address with a dry erase type pen.

Me:mmm, this pen smells good...kinda almondy
Penny: Let me see. (sniffs the pen), I don't smell anything.
Me: Yeah, I totally smell it and it smells good.
(ding, ding, ding)
Me: OH. It is me. (I have some delicious almondy butter body wash).
Penny: Idiot.

As a precursor to the next story I have to tell you that we have a LOT of inappropriate conversations around Chez Potchery under regular circumstances...'that's what she said' is one of my favorite things to say. Well, you add my sister, and it gets WAY worse. Anyway, last night, we were all relaxing and we start talking about names for porn movies, and we ended up on UrbanDictionary. Then Penny started laughing and telling me how her and College Kid got laughing hysterically over Donkey Punch Toboggan. So, of course, I look up Donkey Punch. I will wait a second if you need to see what it means. (ETA: But you do NOT need to know to appreciate the end of the story.)

Me: Well, what do you have to do to make it a toboggan?
Penny: Do it downstairs.
Me: Like in your house? In the basement?
Penny: NO, do it GOING down the stairs.

AHHHH. hence toboggan.

There is also a story about how I couldn't figure out how to open the gas cap on the rental car, and I almost had to drive to Mr. P's office so he could show me, then I forgot to put it back on and I thought the car was breaking down, but I don't have time to tell you because I am cooking dinner for College Kid 2 because he MOVES.OUT.TOMORROW.

Home. And then some.

WOW is all I can say about that trip. I had a great time with my friends from school, Mr. P and I had a good two days in NYC, I had fun seeing my cousins and aunt for my nephew's 3rd birthday party, and my sister and I arrived home yesterday with the baby (we flew), and the boys got here this afternoon (Mr. P drove the truck with the furniture, my brother in law drove the car with the pets). On Monday (when College Kid returns from camp) I will have my whole family in the same zip code, and that makes me very happy.

I DID gain 2.2 lbs which is a bit disheartening, considering I ran 5/9 days. However, I indulged in TWO Fluffernutter Crumbs cupcakes, macaroni and cheese, super brunch, Cake Batter Confetti ice cream cake, pizza, eggplant parmigiana, two ice cream cones WITH sprinkles, beer, pommes frittes, creme brulee...OH JEEZ, maybe it is a great thing I only gained 2.2 lbs.

I did a little run this morning, having to get re-acclimated to the Alabama heat, so I am back working the system. For the first time today I tried the yogurt/Kashi/fruit breakfast combination and I LOVED it. That is definitely going into my repertoire, I think I need to force breakfast into my routine, especially since I teach mornings in the Fall.

I still have lots to tell you, including how my mom called me on my birthday to ask if she could live with Mr. P and I for two months because she wants a "transition" to moving to the town we now all live in...yeah. Remember what happened in May? Some of you read my sister's blog, so you know my mother's latest weird ass shit. My nephew wanted a Blue's Clues birthday, and if you didn't know...Blue's Clues is OUT, can't find Blue's stuff anywhere. So, we were chatting about that and she told us that she googled Steve because she was pretty sure that Blue's Clues went off the air because Steve is a pedophile. She jumps to these insanely judgemental conclusions and that drives me batty. But, not to be outdone in being weird by my Mom, Dad has decided that he is coming to my nephew's Alabama birthday party and bringing his new girlfriend (to stay.at.my.house). GAG.

So Mr. P and I will be empty nesting for Thursday night before we have creepy company. score.

Solo, selfish vacay? SCORE!

Even though it is 12:49am, and I have some researchy, worky stuff to do in 9 hours, I had to take some time to document my day on Word (this stupid expensive hotel only has free Wi-Fi in the lobby) because I was afraid that once I slept some of the activity might leak out of my brains onto these really awesome pillows.

I seriously have been having the BEST time. I have gotten to do whatever I want, whenever I want and since it is no big secret that I am a bratty, bossy, bitch, OF course this type of trip would appeal to me!

Sunday my sister took me to brunch for my birthday, and just so you know…crème brulee French toast is pretty terrific. When we got back to my sister’s house, I tallied my points…26. YIKES. (1/2 bagel with jalapeno/scallion cream cheese, aforementioned French toast, frittata, eggs Florentine, breakfast burrito, chocolate fountain on marshmallows/pineapple/strawberries and a Bloody Mary. YUM.) After we lounged around a bit and then took the baby to stomp in puddles, I headed back to my hotel to pick up my conference registration. When I got off the train, there was a street fair the entire.way back to the hotel. I grabbed a cup of fruit and leisurely walked back. It was gorgeous out, and I felt completely content with everything...a big change from the last few weeks...Once I got back I couldn’t find any of my friends (sad), so I came back to my room and got some work done for a presentation I have to do on Wednesday afternoon.

Then yesterday was SO big, I will go through it in bullets:

-2 mile Central Park jog, followed by browsing in Whole Foods picking up lunch and some healthy snacks since I caved and bought $9 gummy bears from the mini bar last night when I was working.

-After cleaning up, I walked to the Museum of Natural History. I got some decent insight to myself in that museum. I don’t much care for room after room of dead animals, I really prefer watching animals, so for me, it’s more animal behavior than animal facts…also, I really loved the Hall of Biodiversity, all the stuff about planets and space and I especially dug a special exhibit about Climate Change and I pledged to get ‘greener’. I REALLY loved the moon scale, and will be using this for all future weigh-ins.

- I then subway’ed to the East Village and ate a late lunch at an ALL macaroni and cheese restaurant. Oh.my.delicious. As I was finishing up, I got a text from friends from the PhD program, so I hustled back to the hotel to meet them.

-We went to Ground Zero (not my choice), walked through Battery Park, then rode the Staten Island Ferry (totally my choice and completely awesome to see the skyline, Brooklyn Bridge and Statue of Liberty all lit up), got on the subway to get to 112th Street to go to Tom’s Diner (the outside is the shot used in Seinfeld), then subway’ed back to Times Square, and then on the walk back to the hotel, took a quick detour to Rockerfeller Center.

-While standing at Times Square a friend from school I had.just.talked about not 10 minutes prior walked right by…so we took a ton of pictures with all of us, but not one turned out on my camera. BOO.

Tomorrow I will: do some conferencing, go shopping at OLD NAVY with the giftcard my sister gave me for my birthday as I am nearly out of clothes and I don't go home for several days, go to dinner at Tavern on the Green, and YAHOO, Mr. P arrives!!!!

My legs/lowerback/and shoulders (?) are exhausted, so I know I am burning a ton of calories...I have not been WAY careful on food (read aforementioned brunch choices), but I have made sure I am getting all my fruits/veggies and water.

Old Navy awaits!

Where do the fat people exercise?

Greetings from NEW YORK CITY!

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, I had a great day, and it was really fun to check in on my comments and see so many wonderful people sending me good wishes.

So this will be quick because dudes, my sister is taking me to brunch where supposedly there is creme brulee french toast. frittatas. specialty cream cheeses. chocolate fountain. mimosa. mmm.

BUT, before you get all frowny on my unhealthy eating...check out my girl <-----. That is right you are not seeing things, after my class yesterday (which went very well...whew), I did Central Park, walk/joggy style! (My title comes from the fact that I saw a TON of people exercising, but none that were even chubby...what is THAT about?)

Whoops it is raining and I am going to need time to try to find a Hello Kitty umbrella on my way to the train!