Nope, I didn't give up on myself yesterday. The title is just lyrics from a song I was listening to when I went to the GYM for 2+ hours yesterday afternoon. (My sister LOVES references to song lyrics.)
Took my Fatty McGoo test this morning, and scored 91.61%. Not much of a change from last week (.6lbs) but still trending downward. I did lose 1.06lbs of fat though.
For the first time in a long time, I am letting myself feel my actual hurt. My hurt about my paper. My hurt about my research portfolio. My hurt over work that has to be done, perhaps in vain, for this tenure decision since my preliminary packet has to be submitted in two weeks. Hurting sucks. Hurting about something out of my control sucks so big. Nothing I can do about Alain. It is what it is, and my only choice is to get my shit together and move forward. I feel like I am pretty close to being able to do just that.
Normally though, my course of action would be to mask my actual hurt with food and perhaps an adult beverage or eight. THEN, I can hurt over my bad decisions, which I can control. I am not sure why that has been the better choice in the past, but I am glad it wasn't my choice yesterday.
I hope it won't be my choice today.