This morning I took my fat test, and I scored in the still quite good at being fat range: 92.04%. That being said, in college, if I scored that on a test, I would be concerned because that A wouldn't hold up even a small hiccup on another test or project.... but this morning I am not feeling proud or confident or anything even remotely positive.
I have been at this new lifestyle for two months...I have lost nearly 8% of my body weight (over 20lbs) and maybe more importantly, I have really improved my fitness. I am probably a month away from being able to perform a "jogging motion" for an entire 5K.
Regardless of all that, I am still the fattest chick in the room, and yes, I almost always take a census. My attitude today worries me because I truly believed when I started on this journey that my primary goal was to get healthy. Mr. P and I spend a ton of time out on our boat, and becoming more physically fit will only make those experiences better....more tubing, maybe water skiing, easier time getting in and out of the boat. We want to take a trip to the Galapagos Islands with snorkeling, sea kayaking, hiking, and horseback riding. We love theme parks and I want to go on the rides.
However, this last two weeks, I have started getting comments about how I look, and man, vanity can kick health's ass in mere seconds. I am afraid my impatience to look good may derail the more important goal of getting fit.
So, would you order HOT with a side of healthy? Or order HEALTHY with a side of hot?
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I always lose weight to look better or at MOST to move more easily. This is because so far I don't believe thin = healthy (and fat = unhealthy) the way it gets promoted.
Y'know, I think you're doing so well. You ARE becoming healthier. Just look at you getting up at an ungodly hour to do a 5K! And losing 20 pounds is phenomenal!! If vanity is what motivates you, use it!! That's the only way I lost (most of) the baby weight. I was all "The ass will fit into the smaller size jeans!" And really, who doesn't like to hear they are looking thinner? I'm proud o' you. And I want to play on your boat.
(My husband has declared one day of spring break as "Bass Pro Shop Day.")
I left a comment, where did it go? Ugh, it went like this I want to look GOOD dammit and my thighs are too fat...that was the gist.
I think when you begin to feel better about yourself, you size yourself up against others MORE. When I feel like crap, I don't even want to know how I compare. But, the minute I feel better ... feel like I'm gaining ground in the right direction ... I look around and think, "what's next?!" Maybe it'll serve as your motivation to keep it up!
Well, I work in endocrinology and all day long all I do is evaluate someone's heart disease risk, and I can say most definitely that it is not always about how you look--I have many many thin patients who are NOT healthy artery-wise, and vice versa. So, I'd order healthy with a side of HOT. You'll get there, on both fronts.
Hi HP,
I think you should keep your focus on getting healthy. The rest is noise. Concentrating on getting healthy is clearly working for you, and it's really important for your quality of life with Mr. P.
You are at a point where you should be feeling proud of yourself for all you've done. But instead it seems like you're looking for a reason not to feel good about it. I know from experience that it feels bad to look around and be the heaviest one, and it feels strange to get compliments when you've been trying to fade into the background. But you're doing this for you, Mr. P, and your fabulous teammates, so try not to let the other people in the room or the negative voice in your head throw you off.
I think you're awesome. You can do it!
Julie
I do the room census too! I'm glad it's not just me who does that mental tally. (I've lost 8 lbs. so far, and I started about 3 or 4 weeks ago)
I agree with "use it". I think everyone that does this has at least a couple different motivations, and I know I can't be a saint and only focus on the health stuff. If I did that, then buying new clothes in a few months wouldn't be nearly as fun...
I am a motivation slut so I use anything to keep me motivated. Some days it is to be healthier, some days to be skinnier, some days it is so I can eat an extra piece of cake (or two), some days it is so I can say I ran a certain distance, whatever. It depends on my mood and what's on my mind. I don't think it matters how you get there (as long as you're not bingeing or purgeing or something crazy), it is that you stick to it most days and get there.
And 20 lbs! HOLY CRAP! That is HUGE! And awesome. And look at how many miles your mini has racked up! I think you are doing a fantastic job. I like reading your updates each Monday because it gets me motivated (you & The Biggest Loser- I love that show). Hang in there. And if someone says something tell them to crank out 100 miles and drop 20 lbs!
you are doing GREAT! i also do the room census and typically come up short. and healthy is much better than hot but my secret self can't deny that the hot's pretty important too.
I lost all of my weight a few years ago, and vanity was my downfall. It is the main thing I know I have to avoid this time around.
Looking good was a huge motivator, but it turned out to be very very empty and destructive.
Now that I have gained it all back, I know that while vanity can be on my list of motivators, it has to be WAY beneath my health and happiness.
Right now I'm trying to lose for both health and vanity reasons. Though, I'm not gonna lie - just looking hot would make me happy at this point! ;-) Nthing what everyone else has said, don't worry about where your motivation comes from, just use it!
Silly Girl...Vanity always trumps health. Especially if you have an ego.....everyone does! Yes, I do love Kevin James. I was the fool that went to see Mall Cop. His stand up routine also CRACKS ME UP. From one Fatty to another....HAVE A GREAT DAY. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
I wish I could say Healthy with a side of Hot and truly mean it... but I have always had a bit of vanity. I want to look slim AND feel great. It's hard not to think about it too much! :(
Twenty pounds is something to be proud of, sister, and don't you forget it!
That having been said, I'd take hot with a side of healthy, since the times that I was in shape, it was its own motivator. Sigh.
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