Monday, February 2, 2009

Dear Universe,

I think my sister hates me. She got 30 Day shred from Netflix, and then blogged about it, basically taunting me saying I was too fat to do it, so I had to take the challenge and do it too, and now I can't even form a coherent paragraph because I am all dizzy from forcing my gigantic ass to jumping jack, plus it doesn't really matter anyway because typing is. too. hard. (Okay, so none of that is actually true, other than she got the DVD and blogged about how she was doing it. Oh, and the me near death part, that is true too.)

Also, why did you make my Dad's birthday and my husband's birthday so close together...and maybe more important, why did you make it so celebrating living one extra year means we drink and eat to the point that we seriously must be trying not to make it to the next year?

And then, why did you let me think that I owed it back to you to work out extra hard this morning to make up for said birthday celebrations? I did my first Week 3 workout for Couch to 5K even before I did the Jillian pyscho torture DVD. I ended up throwing up a little in my mouth which prompted more in my neighbor's yard. It was just water, and we have kind of been in a drought, so really, I did them a favor, and they really need to quit looking at me that way. I bet their daffodils are spectacular this year.

But really, Universe, I just really wanted to ask you about the bizarre time vortex when I am working out in that 3 minutes is more like 457 hours, but when I am watching television trying to delay having to take a shower 3 minutes is more like 22 seconds...but I just don't have the energy, so nevermind.

Fatty McButterpants

P.S. I gained 2.4 lbs for this week's weigh-in, so I am back to an A+ on my fat test (96.79%), but I did lose a percentage of fat.


DAVs said...

Stop making me laugh out loud--I'm at work for goodness sake, where it's all seriousness.

You're clearly replacing fat with MUSCLE! Rock on.

Tracy said...

I've been checking in ALL day for the pictures. Dammit I want to see the pictures.

Oh no, just wait. Level II of the 30 Day Shred is crazy, I wished I was dead and my shoe flew off.

Alice said...

ok, i have SERIOUSLY GOT TO get this 30 day shred, i am the ONLY BLOGGER who has not tried it yet. everyone hates it, yet i still feel left out :-)

Jen L. said...

I haven't tried 30 Day Shred either, but it's out of fear. I would definitely throw up and I almost certainly wouldn't make it to my neighbor's yard.

Is your high school kid going to the thespian convention this weekend? My husband's going to recruit for his college.

creative kerfuffle said...

dude, didn't you know vomit was like a natural fertilizer? yeah, i read that somewhere ; )
sweet lord this shred thing. dammit. i keep SAYING i'm going to get it and i haven't. but everyone in the blogiverse is doing it so i'm going to have to do it because all of you will be ripped (even if you're hurling in the neighbors yards) and if we ever meet irl you'll all be like, damn, she's an a++++ and we're all losers.

Hotch Potchery said...

I should clarify, I threw up a little in the neighbor's yard when I started coughing as I was doing a 1/4 mile jog UPHILL and outside...NOT while doing the Shred thing in my bedroom.


Anonymous said...

If you're not throwing up in your neighbor's yard from the bedroom, I'm really not impressed.

20somethingfatty said...

You are hilarious! I'm sitting in my office trying not to laugh out loud... I think I'm with everyone else and need to try the Shred video.

Astarte said...

I have the Shred dvd, but still haven't developed the cohones to do anything other than eye it warily from across the room. I'm scared, and everyone posting about it only makes me more so!!!! AAHHHHH!!! I think she's looking at me from the cover again!!!!! I swear, that photo of her has those eyes that can follow you around.

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