Tuesday, July 28, 2009

now is NOT the time

to keep pissing me off. be warned.

So as I have bitched mentioned, I have 100 things going on at once, and I am just about at the apex, and to be frank, I am not handling it all that well. I really don't mind all the stuff going on, as long as it is all VERY organized. I like to know all the W's about every damn thing (who, what, when, where and why)...I despise uncertainty...it all makes me quite the biznitch.

Then to add, there is some money tension, not so much lack of money, but timing issues...I am not a great budgeter to begin with, and I had some unexpected expenses come up (elder child's rent, extra day of vacation, boat repairs) so money is a bit tight, so I have had to delay some of aforementioned organization until I had the cash in hand, which added another level of chaos.

I had to rent a car to get my sister, nephew and I from the airport to our house...Mr. P drives a Suburban that I can't drive, and since my sister told me that she has to go to the Target parking lot early on Saturday to practice driving her new car, I wasn't thinking she was willing to drive the green bus through the city...anyway, when I was doing that I saw that my driver's license expires on August 2. fuck.

Then yesterday, after I get home from work and the grocery store, Mr. P says, "So when are WE going to renew the car tags?" I don't know how it works at your house, but when Mr. P says WE, he means ME. oh.my.god. I will fucking do it when I do it. do.not.ask.me.one.more.time.if.you.value.your.testicles. So FINE, this morning I go to the place to get my new driver's license and car tags...and for the love of baby Jesus, why don't people just get their shit together? You have to show proof of insurance to renew your car tags...it says it on the paper that comes in the mail, and there is a GIANT SIGN where you get in line. The clueless whore in front of me kept ARGUING that she left it at home and wasn't going to go get it. (To be fair, I am not sure she ever charged money for sexual favors.) Of course, she left with no tags. But she wasted 11 minutes of my time. I want compensation.

Then I go to get the driver's license. Everyone in that line seems to have their shit together, but they annoy me on a different level...they wanted to swap expiration stories. Do you not see me reading blogs on my phone? That is my signal that I do not want to talk to you. at all.

So after an hour, I get everything done and start feeling a bit better about getting my act together and I text Mr. P to meet me for lunch. While we are eating he says, "So when are you going to buy my plane ticket?" even now, that statement makes me seethe. Why? Why do I have to do every fucking thing that ever has to get done? WHY? I looked at him and said. "I WILL."

Then the waitress brought me LITE ranch to go with my salad. I wanted REGULAR ranch, which apparently they don't even carry but it was on the menu, so I decide to sue for bait and switch. My lawyer was busy, so I just had to get Thousand Island, because honestly LITE ranch sucks.

So I get to work, and pick a plane ticket as Mr. P says he will fly whatever/whenever. Well, apparently not quite whatever. So I call him and say, so then which one do you want? He says, "What do you think?" OH FUCK. I lost it, "How about you decide one fucking thing about this whole damn trip? All I want you to do is choose the TIME that YOU are flying. That is it." Then, after I book it, pay for it, and email him the confirmation...he emails it back to me at every.one. of my email addresses.

I just now decided that I needed a diet root beer to take the edge off, and wouldn't you just know that the damn soda fridge has not been restocked and is completely empty. I swear, I could stab someone right in the face right now.

You know there has been quite a bit of *wink*wink* action at Chez Potchery over the last couple of weeks, and I asked Mr. P about that yesterday....he said, "You have just been so nice, and not very bitchy at all."

mm. guess that ride is over.


Not Your Aunt Bea said...

It must be the effing planets, because I feel the same way about totally different things going on in my life right now. And Mr. P and J could be the same person. Seriously. They must NOT value their testicles because this whole my-wife-is-my-personal-assistant crap is going to have to go. Sorry. I feel your pain. Except I am having a beer instead of a diet root beer because I need the mood altering effects too.

Fatinah said...

I laughed the whole way through that post. I'm sorry.

I went to lunch with some friends and was telling a story and I said "you know when you get that feeling that you could just rip a person's head right off?". So, I feel your pain about the diet root beer.

"You have just been so nice, and not bitchy at all" - I doubled over at that one!! Your husband CRACKS ME UP!!

Tammie said...

ok i hate to laugh at your pain. but im laughing at your pain. your pain is just so damn funny!

hang in there. it will all slow down soon im sure. either that or you'll kill someone and go to prison. but life will still slow down.

Jenn said...

OMG, I know you're having a tough time now, but that post was really rather funny. I see the humor because I have been there, sister.
Hold on, things will eventually get back to normal someday!

Alice said...

hee, i'm glad to see i wasn't the only one giggling through that post. at least you can revel in the fact that you write so well, even when you're pissed off..! :-)

DAVs said...

Quit cracking me up, I'm at work and supposed to be seriously seeing patients.
I'm sorry about Mr. P...when I first married Leebot I wanted to do everything for him because that's what I saw my Mom do...and quickly I realized "Uhhh...no thanks."
Hope things slow down soon!

PS I would love to see your sis practicing driving in the Target parking lot!

Penny said...

Happy last day of 39! What are you going to do today?

Here are my thoughts on being the planner/organizer/secretary for my household...Most of the time I try to remind myself that I am those things because I made it that way, and that is really how I want it because I like to be in control...now that does not mean that usually about twice a year a lose my shit that I have taken on too much...

wafelenbak said...

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Maybe it would behoove you to invest in one of those inflatible punching clowns in the interim?
I was about to tell you that August 2 is still awhile away but then I realized, no, no it is not. Which means I need to pay my rent. CRAP.

Anonymous said...

I call these times "Be careful becuase I really just want to punch someone in the face!" times. They suck. They pass. Try to breathe. And not punch anyone...

SoMi's Nilsa said...

You are fucking hilarious. No, really. Because, generally, you are so very nice and level-headed and make the world a better place for those around you. But, clearly, there are certain times in your life where you're just not going to stand for it any more. And this week happens to be one of them.

Sweets and Mr. P sound very similar. In that, (a) our garage door has been broken for months now because I asked Sweets to arrange to have it fixed and he still hasn't ... and (b) our vacation coming up in less than 2 weeks still isn't planned (outside of we know where we are driving) because Sweets hasn't taken the initiative to do so (and he knows this is something I expect him to do). My gasket will burst soon, too. Don't say I didn't warn you. =)

creative kerfuffle said...

several things---omfg i have those weeks and i just want to stab people. really? why can't any other damn person in my house (ie the hubs) make a phone call, make a plan, make a damn decision?
two---you said "you know there's been quite a bit of wink wink action" did i miss a post where you talked about being bunny rabbits or something?
and--it is officially 12:05 so am i the first person to wish you a happy birthday???? : ) welcome to the 40 my friend! (((HUGS))))

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