Yesterday afternoon I had meetings with the dean of the college and the head of my department in regards to my tenure packet. The meetings were okay, but I am feeling less and less confident, but I must admit, there is no real reason to, other than I am just so...well, me. Add to that, a friend sent me an ad for a super cute studio condo for sale downtown (exactly what I want, where I want) and the pressure inside me is building to a critical level.
Today my sister posted about all her activities to keep her out of the funk I am in now. I had typed out a comment, that I then realized I could use as my own post today to compare and contrast, in her words from her comment yesterday, our current coping styles.
So read what she did today, then read how I handled myself during the same span of time, not 6 miles from her flurry of activity.
I went in the COMPLETE opposite direction as Penny. I am still in pajamas and glasses, I was too lazy to put in my contacts because I will only be out of bed for 8 ish hours today. Mr. P called in sick, we stayed in bed until nearly 2pm watching Friends on DVD...Season 1. We then moved upstairs to the couch where we have caught up on all our TiVo. Ate pizza. Played on iTunes. I farmed on FaceBook. We are out of laundry soap and I have a sink full of dishes. I haven't run and I don't plan to at this point and I feel like shit about it because I started my 10K training program yesterday.
I haven't even sent in my vote for dinner tomorrow (Penny sent us all an email about a new dinner locale) because that decision requires me to make.a.decision and I just don't have it in me.
Here is where I stand, well sit on the couch watching Chad Ochocinco compare losing his ability to Twitter on the sidelines with losing his penis (and I thought I was dramatic). I get today to wallow, and wallow in the deepest most pessimistic depths of my soul. When my alarm goes off at 5am tomorrow, I will put my crappy attitude back in my pocket and move ahead. I will do my run from today tomorrow morning, then maybe add in a good walk tomorrow afternoon if the weather permits. I will finish my dossier and give it to my department head so I can let it all go, because at that point it is what it is. Start working on a new research project. Prep my classes. Buy tickets to Indianapolis. Get a hotel reservation to visit my friend in College Station at the end of September. Start planning my Halloween costume (Mr. P and I are going as Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper from Blue's Clues). Focus on the awesome stuff, and let this tenure crap fucking crawl back into the recesses of my mind until I get information on the vote in mid-October. At that point I will give myself permission to wallow should the need arise. Until then...
Today I let my crap get the best of me. Tomorrow I will get the best of it. Promise.