Monday, September 14, 2009

checked out

I kind of thought I was 'over' the whole going up for tenure thing, but I realized that I am completely NOT over it at all actually. I am teaching my classes, and going to the meetings I have to go to, but come Wednesday afternoon, I completely check out of work stuff and have been occupying my time with farming on Facebook and playing this weird game on my DS (I say it is weird because I am assuming it is for kids, but it is about a box that kills whoever opens it, and there is a really fat obnoxious lady, and a missing dog that everyone thought was a toddler). Now here I am, Monday morning, ready for classes, but just not feeling it because that is what I do when stuff gets overwhelming. I just ignore it. completely. Plus I am not really reading any blogs, or responding to comments because I am completely pissy...I am not doing so great on the healthy front (I gained FIVE (5) pounds last week and it is supposed to rain every day this week and I feel horrible that I am this whiney and pouty because I know of people who would probably kill for my set of 'problems'. Anyway, I digress.

I think I have mentioned it, but Mr. P and I both are alumni of my current employer. My sister and her husband and all his siblings are alumni. My kids are students. I LOVE the university, and it's sports teams, especially football. I have had season tickets every year, but Saturday is the first game I have been to in 13 years. Even without going to the games I probably have not missed more than a minute of a game in the entire time I have been a student or alum. (Even when I went to see Eli the first time, I watched the game quietly on my computer when he was 3 weeks old.) I quit going to the games because I got really scared during a game where there was a fire outside the stadium, but it didn't look like it was outside and I couldn't figure out how 80,000 people could get out unscathed. Plus I don't like to be crowded or for strangers to touch me. And I like beer.

Thursday afternoon Mr. P informed me that he thought we should use my tickets and go. I was quite nervous, but excited too. We went. It was amazing. I had SO much fun. SO MUCH. I fell in love with my school all over again, and it breaks my heart to think she might not love me back.


DAVs said...

Aww, poor HP. Your school DOES love you back, they're just a little behind with the recognition.

Did you get the thirtysomething yet where Gary is up for tenure? It's such a mind@#$%. Yes, I'm comparing your life to a tv series...sorry about that.

I've never been 'loyal' to a school because I did my undergraduate one place, first master's another, and second master's another. Sigh. I would like to have some school spirit.

Shelley said...

You can make her love you...bake her cookies, send her funny cards, buy her meaningful, wait, that's how I got boyfriends, er, dated...oh, never mind.

Sorry the tenure process is still rearing its ugly head. I can't imagine going through the judging like you have, and I totally understand the "checking out" part - I do that sometimes as well. Maybe if you forced yourself to start reading blogs again, you might get motivated again - shoot, just go back and reread's totally motivating to me!

Not Your Aunt B said...

The thing about tenure is that it is not about being fair or just- it is almost junior high all over again, except everyone has advanced degrees and less acne.

If it makes you feel any better, I gained 5 lbs last week too. Eff. And as much as we need the rain, I miss the sun.

But hooray for college football! Love it, love it, love it!

Lucy said...

You call it being 'checked out' I call it being in 'A Funk' and I have been in one of those lately. They suck!
Although, I use the Internet as an escape, so too much blog reading and Tweeting and Facebook, you get my point... That is my Funk. I feel for you!

SoMi's Nilsa said...

After all you've done, your school should love you back. But, sometimes relationships are not evenly balanced. And realizing that reality is no fun. I can only hope there is still a glimmer of hope and maybe, just maybe, your school will love you back (and then some).

Penny said...

It's interesting how are coping styles are totally opposite, mine is OMG Freak out every second! It doesn't really do much good, if you were wondering.

I went to a football game when I was in highschool, I hated it, the crowd was too much for me, I imagined everyone trying to get out and being trampled. YAY that is a nice thought, glad you had fun and didn't get trampled.

Anonymous said...

HOTCH! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, GIRL! You are an awesome weight loss machine, and you know the secrets of healthy, yogurt-y breakfasts, and you run 5K's while grown men are still sleeping like babies. Don't let this external crap keep you from having a good week with the healthy, healthy, healthy. I'm trying, too!

wafelenbak said...

I'm sorry you're feeling down, HP. :( It's totally okay to have our whiny, pouty times--even if we have it good. Whatever, someone always has it better and someone always has it worse. Doesn't invalidate your own personal feelings.
Farming on Facebook has been making me happy too. Hee hee. I find my sheep particularly adorable.

creative kerfuffle said...

i love all of the school spirit! i feel partial to my school, and a lot of my extended family went there too, but i don't live near there any more so, not so much school spirit.
i spend inordinate amounts of time on fb farming. it is a disease. when i drive down the road and see people growing stuff i think--harvest it! plow the field! yes, it is addictive. i'm sorry you've checked out--but, we're still here for you when you check back in. we all have those times--makes us appreciate it more when everything is going our way no? on the tenure thing--i do not understand it at all. i think bea nailed it w/ her description.

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