OH, I didn't tell you I was taking a hula hooping class? mmm. Well, it is yet another thing I have never, ever been able to do that I have always attributed to my fatness, and damn it, I want that to stop. Plus I have a friend and she is part of this hooping gang and they hoop all over town and it sounds just dorky enough that I want to play too. So, I go to hooping and there are several people a bit rounder than me, and even some quite a bit older than me, and a 65 year old DUDE, and
I.am.the.ONLY.one.who.can.NOT.hula.hoop.at.all.
Even after an hour of lessons, where I receive several remedial instructionals from the hula hooping guru. Apparently I do not have appropriate hip posture and man it is so discouraging, but I tried the entire time and have 7 more weeks of classes and damn it all, I will HULA.
So, after I get home from hula and we eat and watch Biggest Loser and play farming on the computer, I decide to retire quite a bit later than usual because oh, for the love of all my laziness, I am still sore from Monday's adventure back to Body Pump and it was easier to stay on the couch than go downstairs to go to bed.
And this brings us to the crux of our story today. Most of our house is on the TOP floor and there are stairs at the edge of our dining room that lead downstairs to the master suite...and our Christmas tree is right by those stairs so that when I walk down the stairs I can look under the tree at eye level. What? That isn't a very good description? OKAY, then...here is a drawing:
(Not to scale).
I have my new "Cooking Light" and the remains of a Diet Coke and I start easing my way down the stairs like a two year old, because OH MY GOD I am so sore. And I look at the little edge of the railing and I see lots of "DOTS" which I first just attribute to pine needles. Then. I looked a little closer.
YUP. BUGS.
Lots and lots of dead teensie tinsie disgusting bugs.
After I have a quick seizure thinking of all the lyme disease I surely have already caught from the 4,000 ticks that have taken over my house, I regroup, log back into my computer and Google, "black bugs Christmas tree".
Seems that, in fact, they are not ticks but instead are harmless aphids that stowed away on my tree and when the sap started running out they dried up and died. And you know what might completely skeeve you out? I left those dead suckers there and will vacuum them all up tonight after Hobson hits the streets. I was too tired and too sore to even consider taking the ornaments off the tree and I like my ornaments too much to do it when I am completely impatient.
So, while I did NOT have any hot flashes last night, I did have the creepy crawlies, just sure those aphids were all.over.me.
How was your day?
14 comments:
holy shit. aphids? on a christmas tree? i laughed out loud for reals that you named your tree. too funny. but back to the beginning...a hula hoop class? i didn't know there was such a thing. wow. i did the wii fit hula hoop thing a few days ago? yeah, i totally suck at it.
Oh, girl, I've been there with the hula hooping. Of course they offer it at the Nia studio, and I signed up to be the desk guide for those classes. The woman who taught it did all this cool stuff with lit-up hula hoops and fire jugglers and stuff.
I absolutely COULD NOT keep the hoop around my waist. Everyone else in the class was getting their hoops spinning (it was a beginner class), and mine kept clattering to the floor so that everyone KNEW I was still screwing up. I think I left in tears. I contacted the head of the studio and told her I resigned from being hula hoop desk guide.
I would still like to try it again, but maybe with a really patient teacher. :-)
You are not alone.
I would love a hula hoop class! I am a good hula hooper. I even won a contest once...in my 20s! My own husband bet against me as I was up against some kids. I think it is all about your stance. At least for me it is, but I'm not a professional. You'll get it down!
And the aphids are making my skin crawl as we speak. This is why we have fake trees. Not really as J is allergic to pine, but I didn't know bugs could be in there too!
At least the bugs were dead? Sorry, that's the best I could come up with besides YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!
::shiver::
I tried hula hooping with my niece's hoop a few years ago and couldn't keep it up either. Sadness because I used to be really good at it. Do you have one at home that you can practice with?
i love the hula hoop. im sure you'll get better. i agree with not your aunt b, its all in your stance. my 11 year old kicks ass with a hoop and he has no hips to speak of.
and the bugs...gross. but i would have left the dead bastards there too.
OMG that is wrong in so many ways. I am allergic to real trees and have never had one. I've always sort of felt sorry for myself (sniff sniff) but thanks to you, I'm all over it.
I would have had to go to a hotel. If I see a bug, I feel it crawling on me for DAYS.
Ok, HULA HOOPING CLASS!!!!! Please, for the love of God, tell me there's a syllabus, and if so, email me a copy! I love that you have 7 weeks of hula hooping to do! This is seriously very exciting. Please keep writing about it, especially the 65 year old dude.
one more reason I'm glad NOT to have a live Christmas tree!!!!
Hula Hooping Class! I need a refresher.
I just wanted to add that it is cool that you tried something new. I bet neither of us would have dared to think we might be able to hula not so long ago.
I now totally want to take a hula hoop class. I can hula pretty well, but a class sounds pretty awesome.
And the bugs. Ewwwwww. I will now be thinking about that tonight when I try to sleep...another reason for fake tree for us!
The bugs are dead. It's not like they're going to get up and march into your bed with you. Plus, it's not like you have little babies crawling around the floor who might eat them. And even if you did, a little protein didn't hurt anyone. heheheh.
YUCK!!!!!!
I love how you named your tree, though - that's awesome.
Sorry bout the bugs but love that you named your Christmas tree. And love that you chose Hobson for his name. New to your blog, but you are hi-larious and I shall return.
Hula hoop classes, really? Well, that is great, I just didn't know they had classes for Hula Hooping, wow!
I have never had those bugs, ever and thank goodness because it would freak me out too!
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