Sunday, April 26, 2009


Last week was an emotional rollercoaster. After getting the great news Monday, we celebrated. After the horrific Wednesday, we commiserated and mourned and we have moved to the recovery phase. Some of you may think I have gotten to the recovery stage too soon...honestly, I just can't do the sad thing for very long, I can do it DEEP and FAST and DEEP again, but I don't have the stamina to sustain. I loved my dog. I hate that she is gone, I had her for 38% of my life, and it is weird not having her around now. I have read and re-read my post about her and all of your wonderful, comforting comments and cried at least once every day, until today. Today I remembered that she also used to sleep in the bathtub, (we figure it was the only place she could keep cool in our tiny Texas duplex), and I smiled.

During all of this, I didn't count points and kind of fell apart from a health perspective. I tried to make some healthier choices (I drank Michelob Ultra and ate veggie pizza, mmm. Not buying those as the 'healthier choices' ? yeah. so anyway...), and I managed to get out and run 3 times. I provided myself with excellent rationales the whole.week. Even until just TWO minutes ago when I had a 100 Calorie pack of Orea Cakesters and some fruit snacks even though I am not hungry. I just wanted it, and damn it, insert excuse here, I am going to have it.

I am mad at myself now that all those other emotions aren't in there to fuck with me, it is going to suck to have to lose the same weight AGAIN next week that I lost last week, but that is the way the Oreo Cakesters crumble.

On a related, but sort of completely different note: Thanks for being there for me. My sister is great support, and Mr. P rocked as well, but my Dad, well, he wrecked his truck, and my mom, well, she let me talk for 4ish minutes before we talked about her dog that died (which for my mom is actually quite good), so it was really, really amazing to know that there were 28 people across the world who felt bad that Nala died with me. I switched to Google Reader during my crappy days, because I wanted to read, but didn't have the words to comment other than, "thanks for saying you were sorry my dog died" and that was getting pretty depressing, even though really, really thanks for saying that.

Some of you did some pretty cool things that I loved reading about, even when I was feeling pretty sorry for myself:

Bea, I LOVED that you decked out as Batman and friends...that 5K time was rocking. AND, I have a picture of me and Mr. P with Rick Perry outside our duplex. Seth McKinney (TAMU center) lived next door and his dad and the gov were BFF.
Ashley, those crepes look SO good, and I am so happy for you that the little brother called to tell you about his successes, that means a lot.
Kilax, I hope I get to the point where I need to refuel with Jelly Bellies, not oxygen! What do you do about water? I am parched after 2K every.single.time.
Nilsa, it is really cool that you got out there and helped in that neighborhood...I need to get involved like that, and thanks for the reader tutorial.
Tara, your garden makes me GREEN with envy. I love it. LOVE it. AND, thanks so much for the commercial, it made me laugh.
Tracy, I love your photo comparisons, it is crazy how time goes by so fast.

Look how presumptuous I am that these bloggers will actually read this it is kind of making me nervous and antsy that I am being too presumptuous. There are many more comments I want to share, and other bloggers did some cool stuff too, and I plan on spending some time tomorrow catching up with everyone.

I needed the time away, but I missed you guys!


20somethingfatty said...

I'm glad to hear that you're recovering. Don't worry about what other people think - everyone mourns differently.

Let's kick butt this week!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you are feeling better. There is no set time period for recovering from grief. From my personal observations, there is no correlation between length of grieving and depth of feelings.

Don't worry about getting off track last week... just move on. I'm impressed that you got in 3 runs, both from a weight loss perspective and a taking-care-of-yourself stress handling perspective.

Yea, we do need to give it our all and finish strong!

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Of course we're going to read them! And I am all about the Oreo Cakesters. Some days I really can't deal with all the emotional sh*t and if food is what helps it is what helps. It is not meth. It's good that you're at recovery. Everyone deals with the death of a pet differently. It doesn't mean you didn't love her any less.

kilax said...

You are such a sweetie. :) I have a hard time eating well in times like that. Be easy on yourself. Losing Nala was a big loss, and even though you are in recovery now, those trigger pains will still be there.

LOL about the Jelly Bellies! Hee hee! I run with a water belt to stay rehydrated. I noticed that I was too thirsty when I was done on Friday, so I am going to make sure to get water at the water stops this Saturday!

Have a great week :)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you had a nice weekend. We did too.

I do the same thing, I can only be sad for so long and then I just have to be over it because I can't deal with it anymore.

DAVs said...

I'm glad you're feeling a little bit better.
Don't beat yourself up over the food. Lee and I always say: we have ONE vice. Food. Seriously. It's Bea said, it's not meth!

tara said...

Grief comes in waves anyway. Don't let anyone try to tell you that your waves are not the proper length.

I think it is precious that you break everything down into percentages. It makes everything make sense for you, and I love that you do it with everything. And of course we are going to read this post! You are pretty much stuck with me, sorry to say.

If you stick around long enough, I will make you plant something. It happens to a lot of people. My zeal for gardening is as infectious as swine flu.

wafelenbak said...

Echoing the thoughts that everyone mourns differently. In fact, I am glad you were able to smile. Over the weekend, I saw an old woman at a restaurant that looked like my grandma who passed last September, and it just made me feel warm and wonderful--not sad at all.
Try not to be too hard on yourself for losing sight of the weight loss last week. It happens. Get back on the horse and ride, lady!

Fatinah said...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.

We all have our way of dealing with things...yours sounds as good as any I've come across!

As for the food, well, all that really matters today is that your back on track today. I personally would have had several bottles of wine to also feel bad about - so to me it looks like you're way ahead of the game! ;-)

SoMi's Nilsa said...

I read it! Kinda late, but I read it. And I think it's so wonderful you're able to find the silver lining in everything!

creative kerfuffle said...

oh hotch--i've been off in my own little world and just read about nala. i am so sorry. i know there are no words (we went through this in dec. w/ my cat, who was 17) so i know words don't make you feel better but....((((((hug))))))

Astarte said...

I'm glad you're doing better. I'm the same way - I can generally only do Deep Grief for a few days, and then I have to switch to something else. I do the same thing with Big Anger.

It's OK to fall off the wagon for a few days, because you are great at getting right back on.

I hope your dad is OK, and my mother does that same thing when I try to tell her stuff. It's obnoxious.

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