Last night I got a Facebook email from one of my college roommates stating that she has found our other roommates (there were 5 of us in an apartment), and that three of us live within 90 miles, with me living smack dab in the middle. She wanted to know if I wanted to do lunch with this geographical trio in the next couple of weeks. um. I dunno.
What seems to be the quandry? First, let's give everyone a name. I will be HP, we will let Mr. P stay Mr. P, the finder of roommates will be Media, and the third of the geographical trio will be Engineer. I was clever and used their jobs/majors as their names. I am swift like that.
The last words Engineer said to me 20 years ago was, "I said you could have DINNER with him, not MARRY him." Then I think she may have called me something that rhymes with bore. or kitch. or flut.
I must admit, mine and Mr. P's beginnings were less than auspicious. Engineer had a friend visiting from her home town. They went out to a local bar where visiting friend picked up a young, young Mr. P, and they brought him to my apartment, where I proceeded to kick him out, because he was a Stranger and all. He sat outside on the steps until they were tired of arguing with me and took him back to the Air Force base.
The next weekend, Engineer started hanging out with Mr. P. So he was around. Over break (when Engineer had gone home, and I stayed to work), Mr. P called me every.day. to ask me for Engineer's home phone number. EVERY.DAY. Then after a week of that, he asked me out. At this point he was kind of growing on me, and he wanted to provide me dinner. I was a poor college kid, so I figured, what the hell, I wanted to go have some dinner. Engineer was in her home town so I called her, and she said, "You know, that would be doing me a favor...I don't really have time for him."
When she came back to school 6 weeks later, Mr. P and I were a done deal. Engineer was NOT pleased. Then about 2 months later, I was knocked up, and we decided to get married. Engineer was even LESS pleased, and the aforementioned conversation took place.
Now Media and Engineer want us all to have lunch. I am sure I don't I want to, because I have seen Engineer kiss my husband, and that kind of skeeves me out. I like to pretend he was all virginy when I met him, and that he has only EVER had eyes for me. Even more twisted, I prefer to think Mr. P fell in love with me at birth (even though I wasn't born for two more years, and we didn't meet until I was 19 and he was 21). whatever. Sometimes, like right now, I wonder if it is all insecurities bound up in all this fat I am carrying around.
Engineer and I were roommates, but never really "friends", so I haven't missed her, but Media really wants this to happen. Would you go?
Also, am I the only nutball that cares about the "priors"?
(As an aside, I know I am ridiculous, Mr. P loves me, and really, as soon as we met, he was pretty much mine for the taking, but still.)
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18 comments:
I do not like meeting priors. We had one that lived down the street from us once, and I HATED it. One time, I came home and they were talking in my living room, and I about peed myself. There was never any question of his messing around, I just didn't like the thought that maybe she WANTED to. Ugh. Plus, I had just had Josie, so I wasn't my mental or physical best.
I digress. Do you really like Media? If you do, then do her this favor. Or, if you're really close enough, tell her that you really don't feel the need to see Engineer. If neither of these are true, then no, I wouldn't go at all. Who needs the aggravation? Plus, you are so, so, SO busy, so you know, maybe someday, but certainly not NOW...
I get what you're saying. I think you could ask Media if...hmmm...things are "cool" with Engineer? It could very well be that enough time has passed that she doesn't even care anymore. I suppose there is also the chance she'll skip out for similar reasons!
Eh, who am I kidding. Curiosity would get the best of me and I'd go, even if only to have a story to tell. ;)
It sounds like, to me, that you really have no desire to touch base with Engineer. Personally, I'm cold hearted enough to say, "eh, that was my past life and I've moved on."
I really don't get people who are constantly wanting to relive the past. Sure, there are a few people that I have reaquianted with; but these were people who we got out of touch for reasons beyond our control. For the most part, however, when I get contacted from people in my past I go with the formalities (how are you doing, glad to see you're okay, etc...); but I don't really follow up more than that.
So many want to live in the past. It shouldn't be that much work to keep in touch.
That's just my opinion; an opinion that I understand is not a popular one.
What I do not like about facebook is people that I was never friends with want to be friends on facebook and then act like it would be cool if we met up? Why? you were a douche then and you are probably a douche now. I would just go with being too busy...
Tracy
I also like to pretend my DH was "untouched" when I met him - and get ridiculously jealous of things that happened before I ever met him. He thinks I am extremely silly but I think everyone feels sort of the same way - and just don't talk about it.
Do what you want - go with your gut. You owe her nothing.
I have never met a prior...nor do I want to. I'm freaking out because I might met one of my husband's "priors" sister. I was invited to a party by a co-worker and "small world" the co-workers brother is dating the "priors" sister. Confused? It's strange...the "prior" live about 4 hours away and it's some freak coincidence that my co-worker knows the "prior"...I figured out this strange 6 degrees of seperation through facebook and have not told the co-worker about it. Is it bad, I want to look skinny and cute so the sister knows that my husband got the better catch. Why am I insecure? Let us know if you go, give us details!!
I would feel weird too. Unless you've been thinking about them and want to get together, why do it? You know? Did you ever miss them or think about them before? Or is your curiosity just getting to you?
I agree 100% with what Tracy said. People I was happy to leave in the past are surfacing on facebook and it makes me tired. It was all I could do to tolerate them when we were in school together/working together/whatever. I do not want to have to be artificially nice to them on the internet now.
I say if you're not into it, don't go. And if you do go, drink a lot. (I tell you from personal experience that it helps.)
OR! You can go and flaunt how amazing I am and what she missed out on! I mean, I am a beautiful treasure... the miracle bastard baby that sealed the deal. I credit myself with your long and happy marriage. Granted, it probably would have happened eventually anyway because you and dad are perfect for each other.... but I made your marriage that much more interesting. :) It's how I cope with how high school kid was so much cuter than me as a child... and I'll face it, pretty much better behaved.
I like what the college kid said!
I have met the priors- they don't really bother me as we don't have much interaction with them other than class reunions or randomly running into them. We kind of had a somewhat similar situation. I didn't mind meeting as back then I was a fling (money was even riding on how long we would stay together- no one bet longer than 2 weeks!) and now we have been married 10 years with 2 kids. I do like telling people I told you so even if I don't audibly say it and they just see that we are still together.
What does Mr. P think?
Screw that! I had a slightly similar thing happen recently where a woman I was friends with in high school (25 years ago) wanted to "friend" me on Facebook. The problem is that as an adult she was best friends with one of my husband's "priors", one that he had a very difficult breakup with, and that I felt insecure about when we first started dating a million years ago.
I felt so ridiculous because I thought a normal, evolved person would not have any problems being Facebook buddies with their own pal, even if she knew this other woman. But I just didn't like being reminded of all that old baggage... I want to live in the present with my husband.
So I'd say don't go to lunch, and don't feel guilty about not going. It's o.k. to feel uncomfortable about something.
Great to hear that you were on track today. I was as well! I wanted to snack all day, but I was able to hold out. I also lifted weights for about 45 minutes, so I think we're golden. Thanks for the help with starting to get back on track. :-)
Bragging about your beautiful treasure, gloating about your successful marriage, and any weirdness about hanging out with a former aside, you don't want to go, so say no. Simple, I know. But I don't really see anything wrong with saying no. Let them think what they want. You have better things to do than dredge up an uncomfortable past.
Precisely why I don't get on Facebook.
I met one of Lee's previous girlfriends once, under the auspices of "we're all mature adults, Lee and I are married, what's the big deal" and I hated it. Every minute of it. As immature as it made me sound and feel, I told Lee no more, couldn't get together with her anymore. And she lives right here in Austin! Sigh.
I vote not to do it.
oooh, that's a tough one.
i might be tempted to go, just so you could "prove" to the engineer that you and mr p were meant to be, because you're obviously still together. so SUCK ON IT, engineer ;-)
i, uh, do not always have the most charitable thoughts.
I would say something to Media about how actually I barely remembered Engineer but I'd love to get together with Media. This is flattering to Media, and gets you out of seeing Engineer.
More proof that I must be weird. In high school, all of my (then) boyfriend's priors were friends. We were better friends with each other than we were with him. We used to call ourselves (jokingly) his harem. We all still keep in touch, though most of us wouldn't go near him if he were papered in $100 bills.
But then, none of us ever called each other horrible names over the guy. Engineer? No way I'd ever want to have lunch with her.
Um. I just looked at my word verification. It's "fooll." Hm.
i know i'm late on the commenting, but better late than never right? i say go to the lunch and rub it smack in engineer's face not only that you are mr. p are still together but you are obviously so happily still together. HA. that'll show her. stupid...hitch. and i don't know if i'm as bothered by the priors as you, but they do irritate. we do not live anywhere near any of either of our priors so it's not like we'd bump into them at the grocery or whatev. one of the hubs' priors--the girl he dated before we started dating (remember i was 15 and he was 18 at the time) and who he "loved" is one of his fb friends. she is one of the 2-3 that bother me. however, she lives in az or nm and i've seen her fb pic and she's not aged well. she's ugly. that makes me happy : )
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