Monday, June 15, 2009

Falling apart at the seams

I have not exercised since last Monday unless you count a 1.5 mile walk to the bar after work on Thursday. I have not journaled since I journaled that I ate whatever the fuck I wanted for two days then decided 'ehh. why bother?' I had one day off in the last two weeks and that was yesterday where I never even changed out of my pajamas.

I deserve NO empathy, or god.forbid. sympathy because there are 5 weeks a year that my job really sucks the life out of me, and I am right in the midst of it at week 3 day 2. This is the 5 weeks a year that I teach two different classes 1 1/2 hours each, back to back, every day for 5 weeks. I then have grading, paper reviews for journals (5?!?, when I haven't done more than 1 a year, I have had FIVE in a month), and my research to get back under control. I normally have to teach the same class, 1 1/4 hours back to back, TWICE a week, and then I have oodles of time to get all my other work shit done and exercise and grocery shop and plan and not wallow about my stress level.

Then I get an email this morning that I have to compile a list of 4-6 professors that I have never worked with to evaluate my research portfolio for something called, "an external letter." Not only do I have to get the people HERE to like me, but now I have to find 4 to 6 mucky mucks at other schools BETTER than mine that have to like me too and write a letter that says so. awesome.

So I weighed in this morning, and back up 1.4 pounds. No surprise there, I kinda feel shitty about it, but I kinda am..."ehh...get me through to June 28 without gaining all 35 back, then I will work on straightening my head out".

I KNOW that generally my life is cush. for sure. But when it gets like this, I can't be bothered to worry about such mundane things as my HEALTH. the cleanliness of my house. whether Mr. P's disco stick is in need of a tune-up. I let all other things fall apart while I try to keep the shit together at work.

dudes, it is so bad that I have green marker all over my arm and I.don'*.

*I am a drama queen and I truly do feel like my life is a pit right now, however, even I am not self-centered enough to think my problems are truly that problematic in the grand scheme. Hugs to Ashley.


creative kerfuffle said...

so, the green it random marks or did you draw/write on yourself?
i think i might have to start using disco stick because it makes me smile when i read it.
i really am sorry things suck balls right now--even if you do realize you have it good the remaining 47 weeks of the year--doesn't make the suctastic ones any better. but, you're more than 1/2 way through right?

Alice said...

as swistle so aptly says: "i acknowledge my luckiness, without giving up claim to the suckiness."

you can have a great life in general and still be allowed to complain about the crappy parts!

hee, mr. p's "disco stick" made me giggle.

Anonymous said...

No, don't fall off the can do it, just suck it up for a couple weeks and journal EVERYTHING, and keep exercising..don't let yourself off the hook! You have been doing too well! Then fall will come and it will too hard during football season etc..DO IT


kilax said...

I like what Alice said. You have a super shitty schedule right now. I would be in the same place as you - stressed and overworked. You'll get through it!

Fatinah said...

I'm sorry - but you just make me laugh!

I sure hope Mr. P's disco stick can wait for a tune up alllllll the way till the end of June....... ;-)

LiLu said...

If we didn't drama queen out a little bit every now and then, we would actually implode from holding it all in. Let the queen out... you will breathe a little easier for having done so. ;-)

Jen L. said...

This is what people need to hear about when they make fun of us for getting long breaks at holidays because we work in academia. It ain't all sunshine and roses, kids.

You're so not a drama queen. Let it out, lady.

Also, I once taught an entire class with a chalk line on my ass left over from the PREVIOUS class, just because I was too tired to brush it off. At least green is a cute color? :D

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