Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I was trapped in my own pants

yeah, so yesterday I was wearing a pair of khaki pants that have a drawstring tie belty thing. On the ends of the little strings there are knots. Apparently when I tied the belty thing, I got the end-knots twisted into an actual knot that would have made any sailor or boy scout proud.

You know when I discovered this?

After I drank about 50 ounces of Diet Coke.

I am in the stall, frantically working the knot, seriously considering whether I can get to my office, get scissors, cut OFF MY PANTS and make it back to the bathroom before peeing on myself. and um. I have to teach class in 4 minutes, so no way to get home to change out of either pee pee pants, or butchered scissor pants.

BUT, the Baby Jesus had mercy on my soul and I managed to get untied and on the seat in.the.nick.of.time.

Oh, and just as an aside---reading the last three chapters of any Jodi Piccoult book while in the midst of public when your emotions are oozing out of your pores is not the best plan. yeah, I read the end of My Sister's Keeper at lunch yesterday, and had BIG crocodile tears rolling down my face, and I tried to stop for about 10 seconds, but it just felt too good to stop. (oh, hey, if you want the book, I could mail it to you if you want to give me your address and you don't think I would try to stalk you or anything. ETA: CK laid claim to the book!)

And now as I am writing this at work with my door wide open I take a quick second to fuck around with a healing pimple right.between.my.eyes. and I make it bleed. So I am sitting here with a napkin shoved into my eye socket and the new guy pops his head in my door and says, "OH, are you okay?" and I have to say, "Yeah, I just messed with my face and now I am bleeding," to which he replies, "mmm. That is unfortunate."

I am a freaking disaster.


Alice said...

heeheeheee.... i am laughing WITH you! honestly! promise! ;-)

Jen L. said...

I almost peed MY pants reading this.

Oh, crap, I wish I'd known you were reading that...I could have warned you not to finish it in public. I was on the freakin' subway when I finished. I cried out loud (in NYC, people usually don't notice things like that, but I was getting full-on stares) and continued to weep the entire way home. I scared Marcus half to death when I walked in with mascara streaks down my face. Good times.

creative kerfuffle said...

posts like this one make me totally love you. in a you are so kickassfunnyandcool way not in a butchstalker way, not that there's anything wrong with that. for other people. not me. but seriously i'm glad the baby jesus helped you get the knot out, i used to have a pair of pants like that. i stopped wearing them for that exact reason. and i totally want to read that jodi book. i've read something else by her (can't remember the name) and remembered loving it. i have a good anita shreve book--the pilot's wife--that i'd swap w/ you.
kudos for making a good impression on the new guy! LOL

Fatinah said...

oh, man! I'm just glad that I don't have to read your posts while I'm at work - I'd be fired for sure - you're so funny!!

Jenn said...

Okay, I'm snorting with laughter over the pants incident.
And yeah, that book was evil - I was a hysterical mess for about 20 minutes after I finished it!

wafelenbak said...

Ha ha. What often happens to me is that I don't undo the knot all the way before the pants go in the wash, and then it gets all messed up and either gets stuck too loose or too tight and I try to keep the pants on without having to undo the tie and it's generally a disaster.
I had a sty in my eye that burst last night and for various reasons was sneaking in and out of the bathroom at work this afternoon to cry so yeah, I am sure I look like a hot mess. Blegh.

kilax said...

LOL! So not a tiny bit of pee came out at all? :P That sounds like something that would happen to me!

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

Thank you Baby Jesus! I have been in a similar situation before and PANIC ensued. And of course it happens at the worst moment. Sigh.

CK is going to have to pass the book along to me when she is done. Are you going to watch the movie? I am not a big reader, but since it made you cry good tears, I would read it off that recommendation.

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