Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Schrodinger's tenure

The letters have left the administrative building and there are 63 of us anxiously awaiting their arrival at our respective departments. It could be after lunch today. It might not be until after lunch tomorrow.

It is official...I either have tenure, or I don't. And right this minute that is seeming so huge to me, because either way my life will never be just the same. I might have the most overwhelming sense of accomplishment and relief that this journey I dragged my family on starting in 2000 was worth it. I will have job security in this crappiest of job times. I will be free to work on whatever research I deem important and I don't have to worry if everyone else thinks it is worthy. Academic freedom. I can run my classrooms the way I want to run them without fear that one pissy student will wreck my evaluation average. I will become a better researcher and teacher without the stress of trying to please everyone. I will have a voice within my department to prevent junior faculty from being bullied and railroaded at whim.

OR, I will be starting almost completely over. I will have to try to find a faculty job in a specialty area in this crappiest of job times. I will have to move away from my kids and my sister. We finally have friends that don't make me want to shoot myself in the face and we would have to try to make new ones. I will have to work at the University that rejected me for another year knowing every second that for whatever reason they did not deem me worthy. I will be devastated because this is OUR school and once we leave we can not ever come back.

I can't wait to get the letter, but once I open it, it is what it is, and there is no more dreaming about what it might be.

11 comments:

Tammie said...

this has been all ive been thinking about since last night.

you are sooooo in my thoughts right now.

Kate said...

This is a big moment. I'll be thinking of you.

Shelley said...

Holding my breath for you, my friend. I really hope you get tenure - you deserve it, and I know you would stand up for others who don't have it. Fingers and toes crossed, too.

lastchanceivf said...

EVERYTHING is crossed!
Which, by the way, makes it hard to work/type/see patients.

tara said...

Fingers, toes, and everything else I can cross, crossed! Can't wait to hear the news and I hope it is good!

megmegmeg said...

Thinking about you with fingers crossed!

Penny said...

You'll get it. I just know.

BUT if you don't just don't shoot anyone. K?

chezjulie said...

Can't think of anything to say except be really nice to yourself for the next 24 hours. I soooo hope it goes your way.

Swistle said...

I'm so glad I didn't leave my "Schrodinger's tenure" comment before noticing you'd already done that in the title.

--V said...

On pins and needles for you.

destinationathlete said...

As others have said above....fingers and toes and legs and anythingthatcanbecrossed is CROSSED for you.

Prayers out for you and your fam, and wishing you the best of luck!

 
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