now that I have had a good night's sleep after a semi-nuclear breakdown yesterday. I am trying so hard to live in the NOW and be HAPPY and POSITIVE that it all became too much yesterday and it manifested in my passive aggressive tendencies towards Mr. P in a very bizarre way.
I registered for the 1/2 marathon yesterday. I registered for myself. NOT Mr. P.
Then when we were gathering stuff for our trip this weekend I told him, "Hey, if you are going to run that race, you need to register." He looked at me quite surprised. "You didn't register me?"
To which I replied, "Well, you aren't training at all, and it is in two months, so I wasn't sure if you are serious about it or not."
Yowza.
Then when we were watching some TV later and he said, "You really didn't register me?"
AND I am OFF.
When we take a trip, I make EVERY arrangement. I pick the hotel, make the reservations, rent the car (if need be), arrange for the dog, and every other detail that has to be taken care of. Mr. P has NEVER registered for a 5 or 10K himself. I do it. I pay every bill that we have with the exception of his student loan. I take care of health insurance, car insurance, all paperwork. And yesterday I was COMPLETELY over it. So, when it came time to register for the race, I selected to register for myself only.
I told him that I wanted him to start acknowledging all that I do. He just ASSumes that I will take care of it, but he never really asks or thanks me for it all. So I said if he would ask me to register him, I would. He wouldn't.
I am going to be very upset if he ends up not doing this race with me because while I believe I am RIGHT about his taking some initiative now and then, it is making me nauseous that maybe he won't remember or take the time to register.
Maturity reigns at Chez Potchery.
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15 comments:
Hopefully he registers. It is so hard to be mature all the time! :-D Sending you encouragement!
I hope he gets the point and starts appreciating all of the things you do for him.
My husband does all the bills but I register for things like this and set up a lot of other stuff. Still, I need to let him know how grateful I am for what he does.
i hope he remembers to register too.
i dont mind doing stuff for the husband but i hate the assumption that im going to do stuff for the husband.
I know how you feel! I think I will send you an e-mail. In this case, my advice would be to go ahead and register Mr. P. While this was the final straw to YOU, Mr. P. did not know that you were expecting him to demonstrate that he really wanted to do the 1/2 marathon. I think if you want to make changes, then NEXT TIME something comes up you need to say, "O.K., this time I am expecting you to do X, and if you don't do X by such and such a date that's too bad."
Also if it makes you feel better, my catsitter said it is ALWAYS the wives who make the arrangements.
I'm pretty sure I have shared my opinion about this before because I am also the doer of all things in my family: the coordinator, bill payer, scheduler etc.
I have to keep realizing the reason *I* am in charge of these things is because I don't like how Teddy would do them, and I don't think he would do them the RIGHT way. I think that the other person SHOULD be grateful for the things you do because they are important contributions to the family BUT I have to remind myself to be thankful of the things Teddy does too (take out the trash, let me spend all the money on what I want, put gas in the car, do all things handy I don't want to do etc). I think the main thing is just to remember that we sort of picked our roles, BUT that BOTH parties should be grateful for what the other does.
I'm with chezjulie...for YOUR sake, you should go ahead and register him and then sit down calmly and come up with some of the arrangement-type of things that you would like him to help out with. But beware, if he is in charge of making the arrangements, you have to go along with whatever he chooses...and that, my friend, is why I do 99% of the arrangements in our household.
It was a rough day yesterday for you and someone was bound to take some friendly-fire. Husbands should be used to it, right?
OMG, it's going around in our state! I had a similar meltdown and conversation with my husband yesterday. He played a computer game ALL DAY LONG while I changed 3 poopy diapers, did 3 loads of laundry, mopped the kitchen, made lunch and got the baby down for a nap. He declared he was making tacos for dinner, but proceeded to sit for another hour playing the game while the baby got so hungry he freaked. So I went up and started dinner, and at one point he came in the kitchen and jokingly said "that's right, woman! Cook my dinner!" I. WENT. APESHIT.
He also refuses to make himself a dr. appointment. I'm going to have to give in and do it because he needs shoulder surgery.
I feel ya, sister.
I don't blame ya, Jen!
What is the deal with men not making doctor's appointments? I don't get it.
Some days we just don't feel appreciated and we have to remind them to make us feel appreciated, it is that taken for granted feeling that sucks more than what I am doing that bothers me. It that makes any sense at all??
we've had the appreciation issue in the last few months too. i used to do the bills, but for the last year the hubs has done them and i could not be happier. otherwise? i do all the paperwork shit. appointments, insurance, keeping track of stuff--all my job. he won't even order pizza for god's sake. and, though i'm so happy not to do the bills anymore, it is seemingly a more important job when he does it. i did it for a kabillion yrs and got no thanks but because he's done them for a yr i should bow down to his greatness. ok, srsly not that bad, but you understand.
i think i'd be pissy and not register him too, but then be pissed if he ended up forgetting and didn't do it w/ me. bleh.
Oh lordie, I think our husbands went to the same school for husbandry!
I lost it over the Christmas gifts - I buy for everyone, including his family, with absolutely NO help from him on what to get them. When it came time to wrap, I was like, "Uh, could you at least help me wrap this stuff??"
Ugh.
I'm with ya, sister. Wish I had an answer on how to fix it, though. Me thinks its my own fault for just doing it all - but then, if I didn't, it just wouldn't get done! *sigh*
I'm with you. Sometimes they gotta learn the school of hard knocks way. Of course, if that's the way, you get to learn the school of hard knocks way too if they bumble it. I will say that I do threaten to be "on protest" and not do the million of things I do in order to force him to do it and appreciate it. We've only had to do it once (years ago) and just the threat of being on protest shapes him up.
If that man knows what's good for him, he'll register for that damn race! Sheesh!
I, too, pay every bill, make all appointments, do all registrations, keep all schedules, and deal with just about all the shopping, unless I specifically tell him that we need something, please get it. Maybe he *could* do it, but frankly, from what I've seen, I doubt it.
I totally agree with your need to feel appreciated and your desire to want Mr. P to step up to the plate a bit. My guess is he might agree with you, too, but would rather you be upfront with him. I hope he does the race with you, too.
What is it with those guys? Mine is allergic to the phone. He actually calls me from work to make medical appointments for him, when, wouldn't it be far easier for him to just decide for himself when/where he should go? So, I call, make the appointment, then call him back and let him know when it is, and hopefully (usually) there is no conflict, so I don't have to call BACK and do it all over again. He is 41. Aren't grown-ups supposed to do stuff like this for themselves?
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