Thursday, September 30, 2010
A few days ago, I decided to read my old blogs to see where I was, to see if I could relate to where I am now. DUDES. I was angry and bitter and then angry some more. I want to chalk it up to tenure tension, but even after I got tenure. I was upset and angsty and upset some more.
Maybe that is why I am less bloggy, I am not pissed at the world, when apparently I used to be. I love my life. I get annoyed and pissy, but in all seriousness, I am getting on board with my tiny house, I love my husband, I have tenure, so I only have to do work that I LIKE to do...I have money I need to pay my bills.
Nothing is that different from a few months ago. I wonder why I was so bitter---I am embarrassed by how nasty I was about my life.
Sorry life. I know it's good.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
For the first time in the history of my life, I do not want a baby animal. I feel it in my bones, I know it in my brain, my heart does not have the capacity to love and lose another animal.
I have loved and lost nine dogs and three cats. I still have THE dog, but I am thinking the magic number of dead animals is going to be 13 for me.
Okay, I might be lying to you and myself. I might be able to love and lose another dog or cat. I think that I am completely over being responsible and living my life around an animal. We can't live in a sweet condo downtown because my dog is awful on stairs and he would not like having to always be on a leash. I schedule my lunch hours and work schedule around my mutt. He gets anxious when we are gone, and I alternate between being livid that he peed on the floor AGAIN and being petrified he will keel over and I will have a 110 pounds of dead dog to be hysterical over. Mr. P and I are going to be in the southern Caribbean for 10 days in December and I hate that he will be at the doggie daycare and kennel that whole time.
But, here is the bizarre twist of fate...Mr. P is wanting a puppy, but he keeps guising it as a present for ME. I told him in no uncertain terms...I do NOT want a puppy. BUT, I have brought all the other animals into the house, so I will not prevent him from getting a puppy---but it will NOT be mine. NOT mine. HIS.
I wonder how long it will be until we have a puppy.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Disclaimer: This is a downer post, but I hoped writing would help. I can't tell yet, which is why I am posting anyway.
She was a TALKER and PURRER and BEGGAR of potato chips and fried chicken. She wasn't that independent, she spent most of her time with us. However, she would also randomly sleep in closets, drawers, shelves, cabinets or right in the middle of the floor or in the middle of the dining room table.
Then, yesterday morning I got up and was organizing some stuff, and went into the still very cluttered office to get a file folder, and she was under the desk. Not that surprising, until I talked to her and she didn't immediately talk back. I got really nervous and it was completely founded...our Frisky had died. She was 15, probably very close to the day. I am so sad. I don't even like cats that much. She was SO annoying. But here I am. Sorta heartbroken. I stayed home yesterday. I went into work today and trying not to cry made my stomach hurt so bad I had to come home and just cry. My nose is stuffy and I look a wreck now, but my stomach doesn't hurt anymore. But now Mr. P is on his way home, he has been out of town, and I have to look at his face, and he REALLY loved her, out loud and all the time.
I had to come home and look at pictures of her alive so that I could get that last memory out, but it won't go. it won't go. And while it is here, I can only cry for that damn damn cat.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Yep, flooded, water pouring out from the FLOOR. Stopped the whole process of washing clothes, etc. damnity damn damn.
It's all pictures of me and Mr. P...two of them are collages that I got printed as a poster at Walgreens then put into some frames that Mr. P "rescued" and repainted with some of our leftover trim paint. We also mounted my tv on the wall...which did cause some tension yesterday since I CAN'T REACH the power button. But whatev. I can deal. I tried three times to post a picture of how high the tv is (it works fine for sleepy tv watching...I fell asleep very quickly last night) but the bitchy police must be monitoring my activity as it kept failing. I will try to sneak it by tomorrow.
I hope this plumber guy is fast, I want a shower and to get in that bed before the sun sets. I am TIRED. I have my alarm set for 6am. The predicted temperature is 64 degrees. Perfect to getting my now bigger ass back into gear with a run/walk before what I predict to be a KILLER week of work---I have 6 research based deadlines and 21 projects to preliminarily grade and turn around to my grad students.
Friday, September 10, 2010
- I turned 41. Mr. P threw me TWO birthday parties. One drinky party and one family party. My mom pitched a fit that she was not invited to the drinky party.
- We moved out of tiny apartment into tiny house. The house is tiny. Tiny. t.i.n.y. I got bummed out at the tinyness and the crampedness and quit unpacking about a day in. I am still not moved in nearly 6 weeks later.
- I kept Eli for a weekend. Wow. 4 is tough.
- Went away with my highschool girlfriends for a weekend. Awesome. Laughter. Hugs.
- Joined a new gym and got a personal trainer. Quit running. Quit everything. Even bailed on my trainer this week.
- Mr. P got a new job where he has to travel out of town at least one night a week. It is way harder than I thought it would be. So much so, that I went with him last night. (The job is great, he loves it, he is making more money than before, he is happy and he has a company truck that he digs driving around Alabama.)
- I joined a bowling league and on the first day I bowled a 150 and 141, but now two days later my knee hurts and my middle finger does too.
- I got a health screening and my numbers are good. (Blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc.)
I don't know what is going on with me. I feel guilty and shitty for getting behind on stuff. And my new diet of hydrogenated/fructose corn syrup snacks that I enjoy with beers probably doesn't help my attitude or motivation much either.
I took before pictures of the house o'tiny when we moved in. My plan is to be able to take the after pictures on Sunday. Plus, I have a huge harvest of peppers and I want to invite the family over for stuffed peppers next week. Will I get it done? Time will tell.