HAUNTED, I tell you. HAUNTED.

A few months ago, Tammie posted a book review for the book, "We need to talk about Kevin". I tend to like a lot of the same stuff, so I downloaded it to my Kindle App on my phone and I started reading it. At first, I thought it was kind of talky just to be talky. Longwinded descriptions of things I didn't care about because I wanted to get to the good stuff. I eventually settled down and really read it. I finished it quite some time ago, but I keep re-reading parts of it, namely the end. Over. and Over.

I have never read a book that has haunted me. When I speak too crossly to one of my children, or not crossly enough. When I am overly critical to a student, or I let something slide. When I let Mr. P out of my sight without telling him something good, or fail to really push my perspective when I feel like he isn't listening. All the time, I think about this book. I know it is fiction. I know it isn't real. But it COULD be, and it could have been me if my kid had a different temperment...my kid was a complete lovey dovey butterball, but if she hadn't MADE me be her mother at times, I wonder what might have been.

I have read several good books, seen a few good movies and even a play. But still, I always feel like I need to talk about Kevin.

6 hours

I am not sure how much of Mr. P's work stuff I have shared here...but a quick recap. Last July Mr. P got laid off from his architecture firm. Within a few weeks he started working for a construction company as their construction coordinator. Well, the firm wasn't doing too well, and Mr. P ended up working as a superintendent at a job site about 40 miles away. He was working crazy hours and I was coming up on my summer of no teaching and the thought of spending ALL my time alone, coupled with Mr. P's general unhappiness we agreed that Mr. P would quit his job.

This decision FREAKED me out way more than I thought when the money stopped coming in, some because I like to have a nice cushion and some because Mr. P wasn't putting the breaks on spending, and some because when two adults have ONLY free time, especially we two adults, we liked going to movies, out to eat, to the beach, out for drinks, etc. which all cost the dollars.

So about three weeks in, I had him apply for a job I found on CRAIG's list, which he promptly got. He now makes just a tad less than he was making at the construction company, but he works, well, no offense to Mr. P, but very little. Well, he works very little outside of our house. He goes to a few meetings a week, and occasionally he does an all-nighter when he gets close to a deadline.

It is a fantastic arrangement. I get to spend all my free time with my husband...he is here every morning while I get ready for work, when I get home from the gym, when I get home from work and I love hanging out with my husband more than anything.....

...BUT, I need time. to. myself. To eat mac and cheese and watch Grey's Anatomy (both of which he hates), to rock out to Glee Pandora and grade projects in my pajamas, to fiddle around the house without listening to hair metal or the History Channel.

We have standing Friday night plans with a large group of friends, which I have skipped the last two Fridays, but forced Mr. P to attend so that I can eat mac & cheese (spinach and fish sticks) and catch up on Grey's, grade projects in my pj's while rocking out to Glee Pandora, and fiddle around the house in the quiet bliss of alone.

And now I got to blog without explaining that I was blogging and I got to pause the television while I went to fix myself a Diet Coke float that I am eating out of a fancy wine glass. Man, I have it good.

Getting back to it

I want to write, I think about writing, but I seem to spend all my online time playing on my farm on Facebook.

I have been thinking about how TIME, simple TIME can resolve so many issues. This time last year I was really struggling with my children, now we are all in a much better place, and while I want to write about it, I need to warm up my writing muscles with a story that my elder child reminded me about a few days ago.

When my kids were in elementary school we had to drive them. Mr. P handled this duty pretty often because my office was the opposite direction, and their school was sort of on the way to his school. One day, Mr. P realized they were pretty early (VERY RARE) and asked the kids if they wanted to grab donuts and chocolate milk before school...and of course, they said yes. So he did a quick look in the mirror, changed lanes and got ready to turn towards the donut spot. My elder child was SHOCKED and asked, "How did the car know that you changed your mind???"


(She thought the turn signals told the driver when to turn.)

This is the child that took the MCAT today and wants to be a doctor. :)