Monday, May 17, 2010

Missing simplicity

Today I was in a bookstore and there was a mom and her two little kids looking at books and I had a crazy sad feeling of nostalgia for summers past when we were poor and trying to keep our shit together with school and bills and then on top of that trying to figure out how to keep two kids entertained on little time and even less money. Lots of swimming, $1 movies, entire afternoons at the McDonald's playground, kids coaching me through Pokemon Shoot (a video game where you mimic taking photographs of the elusive Pokemon guys, and that might be the wrong name).

I am feeling sad for those times because my kids and I are struggling with our relationships right now. I feel like they are not handling their shit appropriately, and I bet they feel like I am micromanaging and judging them and they are most definitely right. I am wholeheartedly trying to protect them from their dumb ass baby adult selves as I wish someone would have done for me. BUT, I guess we are getting close to a point in their lives where I have to let them do whatever it is they are going to do...regardless of the repercussions. That is just a very hard lever to pull.

15 comments:

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Sometimes all it takes is a conversation. I'll let go, but not before you know my concerns and worries and that I'll always be your mother. I dunno, seemed to work alright for my brother and me. Yeah, we made some dumb mistakes, but they were good, growing, learning mistakes.

Tammie said...

from what ive read, you have two awesome kids. but they may fuck up. thats just the way it is.

hang in there. ill be thinking of you. sending good vibes and all that junk.

Shelley said...

Nilsa has a good line (and one I'm going to hold in reserve for when I need to say it to my kids). It's probably harder on everyone since they are going to college at the same university where you work and obviously in the same town where you all live. I think I have it easier because my kids are three hours north and I don't know everything that they are up to (and being their facebook friend only takes me so far).

Getting kids through their baby adult years (love that term) is tough. Getting yourself through that is tough. Hang in there, my friend.

Swistle said...

Where did I JUST see something about how parenting means letting your kids sink or swim, but that who could expect a parent to watch his/her kid sink?---something like that. Resonated.

Shelly Overlook said...

This is the stuff that keeps me awake at night. The balance, the letting go, the need to protect - how does it all work?

Kate said...

I was a horrible child in my 20s. I hated my parents, made really, really bad decisions and they loved me through it. I don't know how, but they did. And now? I would give anything to take those days back and do them differently. Hang in there.

destinationathlete said...

I am so not looking forward to this stage of my daughter's life...

chezjulie said...

I did lots of really stupid shit in my 20s and there is no way my parents could have stopped me from doing it. But they set a wonderful example and once I'd gotten my ya ya's out I became a happy productive adult who made good decisions. I'm sure your kids know you care and they can always come to you.

Lucy said...

I sooooo feel your pain, it suck!

creative kerfuffle said...

ah hotch. i got nothin'. no great words of wisdom. i can only think that loving them through it, regardless of what it is, is bound to be a good thing. i did crazy shit when i was in college, shit i hope to hell my kids don't do. but they might. i'm sure in a few years i'll be asking you for help as i muddle my way down your stretch of adult baby rearing.

Suburban Sweetheart said...

I'm 25 & lately thinking back on all the summers when *I* was a kid, missing a lot of the same things - simpler times, even if they were poorer times...

Jen L. said...

Your kids are at SUCH hard ages right now. I think it'll get better. Just remind them you love them. I remember struggling with my parents a lot when I was that age. I eventually got over myself and they let go a little. I hope things get better for you guys. I know how much you love your kiddos.

As Dean gets older, I'm realizing that the day is going to come when I have to deal with him as another person instead of just my baby. That's rough to digest. I guess we'll always see them as our babies, even though they go and grow up on us.

kilax said...

That is how I feel with my sis. I desperately don't want her to make mistakes in college but I feel like that is all she does... I've stopped giving her advice ;)

Alice said...

as much as my parents tried VERY VERY OH SO VERY HARD to not let go, i think the key is to let them be stupid and make some mistakes, but to make sure they know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are ALWAYS there when they need to crawl back and ask for advice on how to fix their mistakes :-)

Lyn said...

Wow, that is exactly how I feel.

I long for the days I could take my kids to the park together or the library for a fun day. And they wanted to be tucked in, and gave me Pokemon cards as tokens of love.

And now one is gone to college and can't bother to answer his phone when I call, and another is making poor schooling choices, and none of them want to play with mom anymore. It does kind of suck.

 
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