the story of how I DO NOT have cancer

One of the reasons I took my blogging hiatus is that I knew that Mr. P and I had a battery of medical tests to undergo due to our ever increasing age, and with my colleague dying of cancer and my friend's diagnosis being very poor, I was not in a good headspace to relay what was going on with us. Today I will tell one of those stories now that my brain is functioning a bit more clearly and because the time for my shameless begging for money has finally arrived....

On Mr. P's birthday I went in for my first mammogram. It was relatively uneventful, and the tech told me NOT to freak out if they called me in for more tests because they need a solid baseline and the radiologists really want to get to know my breasts.

I leave, feeling pretty okay about it, and proceed to make a lasagna and Boston cream pie (FROM SCRATCH) for Mr. P's birthday dinner.


That was all on a Tuesday. On Thursday I get a call that the mammogram was abnormal for my right breast and I needed to come in for some spot compression tests. I slowly begin the freak out. I google. I read extensively, and for the MOST part all indicators point towards 'need more baseline info', so while I am nervous, I am not FUHreaking, just regular vanilla freaking.


The next Tuesday I go admit myself into the hospital with bracelet and all to get my spot tests, which were about 30 more pictures of the right breast. The whole time the tech is chit chat chatting about the 5K we BOTH did the Saturday before. SURELY if she sees a ginormous lump she wouldn't be just chitty chatty about her super annoying kid, right? After she is done, she takes the pictures to the doctor, and then comes back and says, "Well, come with me, he would like you to have an ultrasound." gulp.


So they get me situated and my boob all lubed up and the tech says to me, "Let's see if we can find this thing."


fuck. there is something to find. fuck me. I am really glad we bought the car so that I have reliable transportation back and forth to the medical school a few hours away. I am glad my sister lives here so that she can help Mr. P take care of me while I die. I am SO glad that I have been running so that my strength is somewhat built up to withstand all the treatments. fuck. fuck.


The tech focuses on something that I am going cross-eyed trying to see and then she gets up and leaves the room to show the doctor and says he will come and talk to me. What feels like an eternity, while I am cataloguing everything in my mind that I need to tell Mr. P about how I feel about him and our life together, and where our money is, and how he will have to be for our kids, the doctor comes in to tell me...


NO cancer. NO nothing actually. There was a lymph node he wanted a closer look at, but it was perfectly normal. Clean bill of health, see you next year.


I never had cancer, but in my mind I did for 10 minutes and it was excruciating. I thought I could imagine what my colleague's family had been through, and I realize that I felt the extreme tippy tippy top of the iceberg. So, because one day I may actually get the news I was petrifying of receiving, or because one of you might, or because ANYone might, I am participating in Relay for Life on our campus, not this weekend, but next. We have a team and will be walking and walking to raise money. So, what I am now asking of all of you, is help me? HELP me, HELP you. (shameless stealing from that movie with Cuba Gooding and he plays sports and has an agent, with Tom Cruise?)

So here is the link to my Relay "page":
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10MS?px=13125969&pg=personal&fr_id=22286

Note the picture of the kid on my page is NOT me or anyone I even know, I just can not figure out how to change it. Back to begging: I know everyone is feeling the pinch, BUT, if you want to donate and can afford a $10 donation, let me know via email or comment and I will enter you into a drawing to win an awesome item from

http://www.runningfunky.com/

If you win the drawing, I will buy you something from this site (in the $40 ish range). I picked this as a prize because I am working very hard with running and working out to get healthier to lower my chances of getting cancer, or increasing my odds of beating cancer, and I want all of you to have some super snazzy pants/shorts/capris to get healthy in too!

YIN(g) and YANG

So, apparently the saying is YIN and YANG, not YING and YANG as in the YING YANG Twins. I learned that today after reading Nilsa's post about Thanksgiving.

Yesterday I learned that what I have been called a SHUFFLE pass, and Mr. P has been calling a SHUDDLE pass (to each.other even) is actually a SHOVEL pass.

Last night I had a quick spelling bee at our MNF Bingo gig, and I, the HOSTESS, had Massachusetts spelled wrong. MASSECHUSETTS is what I had on my paper.

What the hell man?

So after my debacle of a breakfast yesterday I posted that I would do better for lunch. I ended up in meetings right after my class so I didn't get to leave for lunch until 2:30 and I bolted across the street to Firehouse Subs. On the way I made the decision to have Jalapeno Popper Doritos (7 POINTS) with my sandwich. DUDES, as luck would have it, they didn't even have them, so I had Southwestern Baked Lays instead. Then I had a grilled chicken salad for dinner.

and 4 fried pickles. and 1 french fry.

All POINTS tallied, I am halfway through my Weeklies on Day 1 of the week. Stellar.

Today though, I have done a 5K (which I haven't uploaded yet because I still like the 7.03 under my Nike+ girl), took the dog for a walk, and ate my yogurt breakfast which while I was eating I thought...YUM, this is so.much.tastier. than greasy hash rounds. I have plans to hit my favorite 6.5 POINT lunch (slice of cheese pizza and spinach salad) and finish my day not touching any.more.weeklies.

my PhD is being severly compromised

by my own lack of, well, of something...maybe common sense, maybe regular sense, but man, something is preventing all my synapses from firing...a few examples:

~My sister and I are sitting across my dining room table from each other (when she was blogging about my mother actually) and I am writing down an address with a dry erase type pen.

Me:mmm, this pen smells good...kinda almondy
Penny: Let me see. (sniffs the pen), I don't smell anything.
Me: Yeah, I totally smell it and it smells good.
(ding, ding, ding)
Me: OH. It is me. (I have some delicious almondy butter body wash).
Penny: Idiot.

As a precursor to the next story I have to tell you that we have a LOT of inappropriate conversations around Chez Potchery under regular circumstances...'that's what she said' is one of my favorite things to say. Well, you add my sister, and it gets WAY worse. Anyway, last night, we were all relaxing and we start talking about names for porn movies, and we ended up on UrbanDictionary. Then Penny started laughing and telling me how her and College Kid got laughing hysterically over Donkey Punch Toboggan. So, of course, I look up Donkey Punch. I will wait a second if you need to see what it means. (ETA: But you do NOT need to know to appreciate the end of the story.)

Me: Well, what do you have to do to make it a toboggan?
Penny: Do it downstairs.
Me: Like in your house? In the basement?
Penny: NO, do it GOING down the stairs.

AHHHH. hence toboggan.

There is also a story about how I couldn't figure out how to open the gas cap on the rental car, and I almost had to drive to Mr. P's office so he could show me, then I forgot to put it back on and I thought the car was breaking down, but I don't have time to tell you because I am cooking dinner for College Kid 2 because he MOVES.OUT.TOMORROW.

I was trapped in my own pants

yeah, so yesterday I was wearing a pair of khaki pants that have a drawstring tie belty thing. On the ends of the little strings there are knots. Apparently when I tied the belty thing, I got the end-knots twisted into an actual knot that would have made any sailor or boy scout proud.

You know when I discovered this?

After I drank about 50 ounces of Diet Coke.

I am in the stall, frantically working the knot, seriously considering whether I can get to my office, get scissors, cut OFF MY PANTS and make it back to the bathroom before peeing on myself. and um. I have to teach class in 4 minutes, so no way to get home to change out of either pee pee pants, or butchered scissor pants.

BUT, the Baby Jesus had mercy on my soul and I managed to get untied and on the seat in.the.nick.of.time.

Oh, and just as an aside---reading the last three chapters of any Jodi Piccoult book while in the midst of public when your emotions are oozing out of your pores is not the best plan. yeah, I read the end of My Sister's Keeper at lunch yesterday, and had BIG crocodile tears rolling down my face, and I tried to stop for about 10 seconds, but it just felt too good to stop. (oh, hey, if you want the book, I could mail it to you if you want to give me your address and you don't think I would try to stalk you or anything. ETA: CK laid claim to the book!)

And now as I am writing this at work with my door wide open I take a quick second to fuck around with a healing pimple right.between.my.eyes. and I make it bleed. So I am sitting here with a napkin shoved into my eye socket and the new guy pops his head in my door and says, "OH, are you okay?" and I have to say, "Yeah, I just messed with my face and now I am bleeding," to which he replies, "mmm. That is unfortunate."

I am a freaking disaster.

Flushing stranger poop

You go into a stall in a public restroom and there is poop in the toilet...what do you do? Specifically, do you flush stranger poop?

Personally, I really don't get how people can forget to flush. I am an obsessive flusher, I will.not.leave the stall until all my poop is gone...no evidence of public shitting for me. That being said, I have some bizarre aversion to flushing stranger poop. I have NO idea why. It really isn't all that rational, but I don't do it.

While on the subject of poor toilet etiquette, what is the deal with germ freaks wrapping the fucking seat with toilet paper and then LEAVING IT? What the fuck is that about?!?!?

as in life, chill for best results...

Hello, my name is HotchPotchery and I am a water "product" addict. You tell me that water has vitamins, whether real or fake, and I am ON board brother!

I LOVE VitaminWater...it is full of vitamins (duh) and seriously, the Dragon Fruit one that is Power C totally gives me power. I mean COME ON PEOPLE it is made by the people at the Center for Responsible Hydration. I have had to give it up though...too many points. (Though interestingly I do not find beer to have too many points.)

I love FUZE, especially the white tea and slenderize varieties. It contains SuperCitrimax which is made from a Garcinia cambogia, which is supposedly a fruit, but the google results sort of scared me, so I am back to SuperCitrimax.

In February when I visited my sister we found this special water that had a vitamin potion in the lid and you unscrew it and the vitamins go in the water, then you shake it and have a delicious spectacularly full of vitamin beverage. On the way home from the lake on Sunday I found it at a super crappy convenience store. SCORE. VBlast! Dudes, only YOU can decide when to release the vitamins! I decided to do it right away!
The only thing that draws me in more than a water product with vitamin potion is one that is ORGANIC, like this latest find: twistORGANICS. I picked Pomegranate Blueberry. Two things make this water awesome, and sorta sadly taste isn't one of them...it is kind of weird tasting, not bad, but not super delicious. If I added a Sweet 'n Low I bet it would be fantastic.

The first awesome thing is the main ingredient:

I know, I know the flashy glare makes it hard to read, but it says ULTRA PREMIUM WATER. Not just premium water, mind you, but ULTRA premium water. that is some high quality H20*.

The second awesome thing is the Serving Suggestion:

After a super angsty couple of days, Twist Organics, I definitely will try.

*Remember that movie "The Waterboy"?

Here we go, here we go again.

I am back on the crud. I keep teasing Mr. P that I gots the swine flu, but it is really the back end of the allergy/coldy thing I had last week. That is why it is a gorgeous Saturday and I have my laptop and DVR, not a boat and a tent. boo.

But that isn't what I meant. My stress dreams are back. When I was working on my PhD, I had this recurring dream that right before I defended my dissertation, Mr. P re-enlisted in the Air Force and he got stationed in Germany. I go with him, but can't get a job teaching because I am not done with my degree, and I am relegated to working as a cashier. During the dream, I ask myself...why the fuck didn't I just stay and finish, then join Mr. P later? (I tend to forget in these dreams that I do actually have a Master's degree and could just be a regular accountant.)

Then I defended my dissertation and the dreams went away.

Now they are back with a little twist. I leave my current position without getting tenure, move to an obscure Air Force base in Germany without contacting anyone about teaching overseas, and get there and have to try to find a job because we just can't make it on an E-4's salary. Again, I wonder in my dream, why are we so dumb?

I am not sure this dream would make that good of a movie, so I am leaning towards the one new thing a week plan. (Jen, you are on the path to that TGIFriday's gift certificate.) I already have ideas for some of the new things, and think I might divide them into categories: healthy healthy healthy new things, entertainment new things, goody goody new things (stuff that is good for environment, volunteering, etc.), and miscellaneous new things. What might make this a bit of a challenge is that I do NOT have NYC as a backdrop, but a tiny town in Alabama, so I will have to get creative! *

I think this is golden...really, who would not want to see Bette Midler take a spin class, make muscadine jam or go to midnight bowling? SCORE. I see a summer release, maybe 2012.



*As a bonus, I can incorporate everyone's ideas into this plan (well, maybe not dog poop art) so you need to start thinking about who will play YOU in the movie!

Friday Hotch Potch

Last month I went and checked out a rental house for my sister and happened upon another rental property .1 miles away. Yesterday we went and looked at it, and it is pretty cute, and we took it. It felt naughty...like Mr. P and I were preparing to shack up...we picked out a house based ONLY on what we want and need, with no regards to school zone, bedroom size (except master), etc. We have only lived alone together for 5 months...the 5 months from when we got married until when the college kid made her appearance. I picked up the highschool kid from school right after we made the decision and he had his cap and gown and graduation invitations. Things are happening so so fast.

Mr. P and I took the day off today. We went out to lunch, then watched Slumdog Millionaire and Marley & Me. Afterwards, we decided we wanted to make taco salads for dinner so we headed to the store. Today was the first day since embarking on this healthy, healthy, healthy journey that I have really, really wanted sweets. Everything just looked so damn good, cookies, candy, cake, pies, candy, candy, candy. It was brutal. I seriously debating skipping dinner and eating an ENTIRE jar of marshmallow fluff. I went so far as to calculate the points (15, by the way). I was serious. It was bad. So bad that while we were in line I decided I better chew a piece of Extra gum to help with the cravings. Mr. P was standing ahead of me and he turned around and saw me chewing. He said, "WHAT are you eating?" I said, "Extra gum." He started laughing and said, "Man, I thought you were eating a candy bar."

To try to curb my cravings, I baked an angel food cake and subbed crushed pineapple for the water. I made a mixture of blackberries, strawberries and blueberries, and will top it all off with Cool Whip. I hope it works.

A new donut shop opened and it isn't that far off the 5K route we are doing tomorrow morning. I would hate it if I got "lost".

Weird HotchPotch

I think I might be spending too much time reading blogs. I have started dreaming about bloggers.

~Awhile ago Swistle asked her readers to guess her baby's real name. I guessed Owen. That night, I dreamt that she called me to tell me how ridiculous my guess was because clearly his name is Marshall.

-Last night I had a dream that I was at the aquarium and Bea worked there, and insisted on brushing my hair while we watched passers by. Then, she told me that she thought Kevin Bacon was hott and she was thinking about leaving J. for him.

****************

Today I went to a local pizza place for lunch (one slice of broccoli pizza with a side spinach salad). There was a dude sitting next to me working on his computer. He got a phone call and during the conversation he said, "Yeah, I am sitting at the bar, 3 hours from home, drinking tea and eating a salad." Here's the thing. He was eating HUMMUS and drinking a GUINNESS.

***************

I am very disturbed that my Thursday Survivor habit is pre-empted for basketball. I like the March Madness just fine, but NOT DURING SURVIVOR. That being said, my Aggies did win this morning. On the subject of sports, I think tomorrow will be a very sporty day. An afternoon baseball game, then my school is in the NIT (the basketball tournament for the losers who didn't make the big tournament) and we are thinking about going to the game. They have hotdogs there. 8 points baby, and worth every single one of them. I don't eat a lot of meat, but man, I love hotdogs.

**************

I really thought I had 4 bullet points, but I am out. OH, Mr. P met Sam Sheppard today. Now, I am out.

Tuesday's Plethora of Unrelated Junk

I was going to call it Tuesday's Tidbits, but that implied I had a few bullet points...I have a few unrelated things that on their own don't make full blog posts, but individually don't merit a post either...so here we go.

I got home from my sister's on Sunday in the NICK OF TIME. Mr. P is sick, and the boy is messy...the two do. NOT. go together. Harmony has been restored. However Mr. P is still sick and that is annoying to me. I know, right? I am quite a prize. He goes to sleep super early and is crabby when awake. He is not catering to my every whim and he doesn't even think I am that funny. I hope he gets well soon for my his sake.

I had a running breakthrough. I am doing the Couch to 5K training program, and I have been doing the Week 5 Day 1 workout for going on two weeks. In case you didn't catch that...this was something I was supposed to do for one day, then move on to something harder...but I couldn't do it. I told Mr. P that I thought I hit the wall for how far I could run on a treadmill because it was just too boring. Guess what? I did it at the gym last night on the treadmill...it made me pause, guess maybe boredom didn't really play a role. My outward appearance isn't changing that fast, but my stamina and cardiovascular fitness sure is. What I couldn't even come close to doing just 7 days ago, I can do now.

Next time I bitch about my job, I need to look back at this post. This is the view from my "office" today:

Yes, I did go to a college baseball game this afternoon. Before you go cursing me...I did work while out in the gorgeous sunshine. There is wireless at the stadium.

Last, but by no means least, Easter eggs!! I want you to tell me which ONE egg from each category you think is the BEST. None of this, "they are all nice crap". Clearly, they are not. There are several that are superior. I won't even asterisk my sister's creations though she cheated at crafts by using more than the allocated materials. She kind of committed crafting fraud. I am just saying. Oh, and check out the egg with the face...just in case you were wondering what my sister looks like, my nephew helped me create an egg that "looks like Mommy". I must have asked him 15 times after we were done who that egg was, and every time he said Mommy I died a little. Damn, that kid is cute.

oh. one more thing. If your comment doesn't show up, it is not because Blogger is broken, but more likely because you voted for the wrong egg.

Adding insult to injury

So today I grew my very own whisker. ON MY FACE. I say whisker not a hair because it wasn't soft, it was prickly. If that isn't horrendous enough, when I finally manage to extract it with a tweezer, the motherfucker was GRAY.

oh the humanity.

Friday Hotch Potch

I am WAY too anxious to write a real post, but I didn't post at all yesterday and that is compounding my anxiety, so here is a bullet list of the goings on:

• I am waiting for a publication decision that could be HUGE for me. In academics we have to "publish or perish". So, I write a paper, send it a journal, then an editor sends it to an associate editor (AE) and reviewers...all of which do not know who I am, and I don't know who they are. Then they critique said paper. Then either the paper gets accepted, rejected, or you get a revise and resubmit decision. The paper I am talking about is my best academic work. I sent it to the VERY VERY best journal and I got a revise and resubmit letter last June. I revised. I resubmitted, and according to the editorial system, I am waiting on the Senior Editor to make his decision. His name is Alain. I really think I will get the decision today, so send "Man, that Hotch Potch is freaking brilliant" thoughts to Alain so he accepts my paper. I need 10 papers to have been published to feel comfortable about going up for tenure in September and this one would be so good it could almost count for 3. My guts are in turmoil. (I only have 6 so far.)
• We are getting up tomorrow morning to run a 5K. On Valentine's Day. Who ARE WE?
• I have become an international financier. I loaned money to Maria Isabel Zapata in Nicaragua to expand her grocery store. (http://www.kiva.org/)
• My sister got word that her husband got into the PhD program at the university where I work which means they are moving to where I live. With the baby. This summer.
• My high school kid got accepted into the Honors College yesterday.
• I can now jog 1/2 mile in a row.
• The grocery store has been out of spaghetti squash the last two times I checked. That seriously bums me out. I have, however, purchased a lovely can of Spotted Dick Pudding so that I can do more thorough research.
• I am out.

I have a serious problem

with NOT being able to get food from a plate to my mouth without something inevitably landing on my shirt. I am not talking about when I eat spaghetti, or padthai with chopsticks...I am talking I can eat a salad without dressing and STILL stain my clothes. This problem came to a head this morning when I was getting ready for work.


So, I decide on black dress pants, and I will couple it with a turtleneck sweater since it is in the chillzone down here. My first choice: blue. I feel like blue works best with my winter coloring.

mmkay. I seem to have a little schmutz on my sweater. Throw on the bed, and go for red, in celebration of nearly Valentine's Day, and damn, I look good in red too.

Okay. FINE. How about a nice forest green?

Holy Hell. Now I am down to pink and lavender. And orange. But I wore orange last week. Okay, fine. Pink.

Well at least there is some variety. Instead of stain residue on the boobage area, there seems to be wing sauce on the near ass area. So I guess I am stuck with the lavender. ugh.

Yes, I am aware that wearing the exact same outfit every day with slight changes in hue does not make me ready for fashion week. But if you can buy a sweater for $6, I say buy it, and all of its friends. That way, when you ruin FIVE of them (I spilled bleach on my brown one), you still have a fucking purple sweater to wear to work.

100 Portugese LOVE this blog.

Creative Kerfuffle has bestowed the following award upon me:

It is an award for people who blog to forge relationships and use it for therapy to get through whatever it is we are getting through...however, I kind of wondered what it meant...literally...and after some Google translation, I have decided the award is of Portugese descent AND means:

This blog invests and believes in the vicinity,

I do. I invest in the vicinity ALL while believing it in. At the same time.

So then I checked my stats to see if the Portugese that are in Portugal are enjoying my blog and nada. However, there have been visitors from Turkey and Vietnam. So, no, 100 Portugese aren't really loving this blog, but this is my 100th post, and I needed an attention grabber.

Back on track, I am to award this to 8 bloggers to keep the chain of "keepin' it real" bloggers going. So, I choose:

Raising Steamboat*
Creative Kerfuffle*
This Wonderful, Crazy Life*
Planet Davila
the brain
Juggling Scarves
A Very Merry Unbirthday
Marmite Breath Slept Here
Hey Y'all

*These chicks have already won...but I am just saying.

**And I know it is a list of 9, but 3 already won, so really I am newly bestowing on 6.

When I first started blogging the only blogs I had ever read were Catherine Newman when she did the one time a week posting for BabyCenter that my sister told me about. Then I came across Dooce from a recommendation on MySpace. When I found my sister's blog, I found Ashley and Bea. Then through Bea I found CK. Others I found through BlogSecret, and even others through NaBloPoMo.

Now I rarely read the "A" blogs...only when my blogroll are off taking care of their children, hanging out with their husbands, being at work...you know, living their lives and NOT posting every day.

Writing this blog and getting your feedback, both serious and silly, is something I didn't even know I was missing, but let me tell you, it is HUGE to me now.

So, can we talk panties for a second?

oh. and bras, can't forget bras.

How many do you have? Do they match? When do you buy new?

I ask because I am down to two functional bras, and I use functional loosely. One is missing half of an underwire on the left, so I am slightly askew. On the underwear/panties/draws front I have lots of pairs, but none match my bras, and most are holiday themed. Ho Ho Ho and Snowman panties just don't seem to cut it year round.

I HATE spending money on underwear...due to my size I am stuck buying at a store for "big girls" and damn, my lady business is nice and all, but not gold for the love of cotton.

I do have a business trip coming up on Thursday, and usually I buy a new outfit for presentations (I have to give a BIG one on Friday), and so I figured maybe I should do the mature thing and throw away the tattered draws in favor of some new.

What is your ideal ratio, when considering both cost and laundry? You know, assuming I wouldn't wear a bra more than one day in a row, even if I just wore it to work and showered and didn't sweat. much.

Is a 1:1 ratio appropriate (bras to panties), even though that seems like too many bras to me....how about 1:3?

Here's to you, 2009!

So, 2009 is here.

It is going to be a year full of really big changes. This time in 1 year, I will live in a different, smaller house that consists of me, Mr. P and the animals. I will have submitted my tenure packet and will be anxiously awaiting whether I will have to go on the job market.

My kid in college will be graduating from college in 5 months and off to start the adventure of living her life. My kid in high school will have graduated from high school, and will be one semester into his college career.

My sister will live by me again. I can't wait to be involved in her son's life, to give her date nights with her husband, to have someone to go get pedicures and lunch with, and all of the other benefits to having your sister live in the same town.

My mom might live by me again. I am not sure how this one will go. She drives me bat shit crazy. However, I really love playing Scrabble and Boggle, and noone else in my family does...so I can envision going over for dinner, making her make eggplant parm and playing Scrabble. Plus, those are QUIET games, so, in theory, she won't talk that much about the random crap she talks about...if you ever meet her, ask her about the time she wasn't allowed to take her umbrella on the plane because of the pointy tip, or about the time she got the Internet through the air from the dude from India, or even about the time she had to call the cell phone company because her phone was broken and she HADN'T TURNED IT ON.

I turn 40 this year, and Mr. P and I have our 20th anniversary. Two pretty big milestones.

Those are things that are going to happen, but there are also things that I hope will happen:

- Get physically fitter. I have come to the realization that I don't care so much about being fat, I care about not being able to DO things that I want to do. We were talking about next year taking a "snow" trip, which would involve skiing, tubing, etc. but right now I just wouldn't be able to do it. I hope I can get into a good frame of mind, keep up with WeightWatchers, keep my Nike Me happy, and all of the other things that go with getting my body to a better place.

- Get financially fitter. Mr. P and I have had atrocious credit in the past, and I want to get that under control. I want to pay off old debt, and get our few little current debts paid off. If I get tenure, I want to buy a house/condo/something in 2010.

- Get mentally fitter. I am really, really angry at my parents. I need to get some help letting go of that. NOT for their sakes, for my own.

There it is. I want to get fitter in 2009. Tell you what...meet me back here in 1 year, and we shall see how it went. Even better, stick around and we will make all of our resolutions come true together.

Here's to 2009!

Da na na na neh na

If you couldn't tell, that is the opening theme to Entertainment Tonight in honor of me being interviewed by Nilsa, from NewSomi. I originally tried to remember the theme to 60 Minutes, but then decided that was kind of dumb.

This interview proved to be much more introspective than I realized it would be. I ended up spending most of my "working" afternoon thinking about my answers and even researching some. Now, if you will agree to be interviewed by me, put your email address either in an email to me, or in the comments and tell me that you want me to ask you some questions...then you will post the answers on your blog, and so on and so on and so on. Now, before you sign up, I must disclose is that I get to ask you ANYTHING I want!

(1) Name only one blogger you really respect and tell me why.

Every blogger on my blogroll has my respect for any number of reasons, but the question says name one, and I am all about the rules, so the one that really stands out for me is Ashley from Planet Davila.

I am not a nice person. I have mentioned before that I get very anxious about my future at my university because of the weight placed on student evaluations. So now, when I look at one of those rating professor sites, I get a secret thrill (not so secret anymore) when one of my colleagues gets bashed. I think...SEE, sucks don't it?

In the face of my own disappointments, I am not a good enough person to revel in another's happiness, and instead find myself entrenched in that oh. so. bitchy. place. of. IT'S SO NOT Fairville.

However, my grievances can not even begin to compare with Ashley's, yet I have seen, from just her blog and her comments on other blogs, that allowing myself to be happy for someone else's good fortune, even smack dab in the face of my own rotten luck, is really the path to take. That being said, I am not on that path yet. But I think maybe it is just through this thorny mess of branches, and I might be able to fight my way to it. Thanks, Ashley for being so awesome.

(2) If you had to pick a non-urban, U.S. destination in which to vacation for a week, where would you go?

I would go to Jeckyll Island, GA to spend time visiting and volunteering at the Georgia Sea Turtle Center, and lazing by the water with Mr. P, but since that trip would violate question (3), please refer to the answer to question (3).

(3) If you had $500 to spend on housing, food and entertainment for the trip mentioned in (2), how would you spend it?

Last summer we bought a little boat, and we triple dog love being out on the water, so it would be so great to pack up the truck with food/supplies from home, then drag the boat to some awesome lakey area in Tennessee, or potentially a Carolina (since gas is so cheap right now), and boat for a week visiting various lakes. I was thinking for example:

Day 1: Drive to "location". Hotel.
Day 2: Boat/camp.
Day 3: Move to second location. Hotel.
Day 4: Boat/camp.
Day 5: Move to third location. Hotel.
Day 6: Boat/camp
Day 7: Home.

The hotels can be minimal...any bed and any shower are awesome after even one night of camping/boating in my book.

So the $500 would be, say $250 hotels (I added a bit more here so we could have free wi-fi (for blogging) and breakfast), $100 boat gas, $150 eating out on hotel nights. I am not counting the food/supplies we bring from home because we would eat and drink at home ANYWAY. Plus, I didn't count gas either since we could just use our gas card.

(4) Tell me about one person with whom you've lost touch. If you hope for a reunion, how would you like that reunion to take place?

I have lost touch with my best friend from college. We met at freshmen orientation, she was in line behind me at the cafeteria and talked to me. Which since you don't know me in person, that was painful for me. I don't do stranger conversation well. Then, she found me in a freshman directory and mailed me a postcard, all before we started school. I went to college in the Fall and knew NO ONE. I went through sorority rush and ran into postcard girl again. We ended up pledging the same sorority, and we were then inseparable for our entire freshman year.

About two weeks before sophomore year, her parents told her they couldn't afford school anymore and she didn't come back. I visited her sophomore year spring break and that was the last time I saw her. I talked to her once about 12 years ago.

As far as how I would want the reunion to go, I guess the chicken shit way - - email or perhaps Facebook. I have no idea who she grew up to be, and vice versa...we were 18 when we were friends. But I think about her often, and wonder how she is. Maybe I will try to find her.

(5) In 2008, what was your biggest achievement and your biggest failure/disappointment?

My biggest achievement was convincing the high school kid of the importance of the ACT. Yes, I know that technically the achievement was the kid's...but I was the source of motivation!

My biggest failure/disappointment was not being with my sister for ANY of the holidays. I hate that. I hate that we both had to spend time with our father alone to hear all about how he graduated from college this year, but failed to tell anyone, how he hung out with Bear Bryant (legendary football coach for University of Alabama, blech), how he is SO much smarter than all of his friends because he can calculate tips in his head, all while he is drinking lots. At lunch. At dinner. Watching a Star Trek movie.

I hate that my sister also had to hang out with my mother, and I don't even know that I can adequately describe what that is like. She tells the same stories (that are ridiculous to begin with) over and over in this whiny, cutesy voice because she thinks she is fucking hilarious. In the middle of her stories she takes these giant breathes for emphasis, and every two minutes coughs up an emphysema (stolen from Tracy). She tries to be sarcastic but it comes off completely condescending and obnoxious. If Steamboat is being bratty, she tells my sister how bratty she was. If my college kid is being a smart ass, she tells me how I am a smart ass. It is completely horrible. So that is my biggest regret. Having to spend time with my parents. Not spending time with my sister. I guess I still need to read Ashley's blog a bit more.

So step right up and let me interview you!!!

Petting the zebra and other tidbits

• I forgot to mention that I got to pet a baby zebra at the zoo last night.
• Tonight we packaged up all our Ebay stuff while listening to my Pandora, "All I Want for Christmas" station. We actually made a couple hundred dollars on one closet, not too shabby. After Christmas, we will give it another go.
• I have a business trip in Charleston, SC the second weekend in January, so I pulled my Steamboat stuff out of my suitcase, since I won't get to go see him until after that. sigh.
• So far, I have stuck to our lists. My sister and I didn't exchange gifts this year. Mr. P and I gave ourselves a pretty tight budget for swapping gifts. I feel like it isn't Christmas. I am not stressed enough about money. That is a good thing, right? Even without tons of gifts (but don't get me wrong, we will have presents), we are going to have a wonderful two days...we have a tradition packed Christmas Eve, then we will chill on Christmas, and have plans to go to see Marley & Me and then hit the bowling lanes on Christmas night.
• Not seeing my sister this Christmas sucks. We don't always spend Christmas DAY together, but usually, at some point in December we get to see each other. My Dad and his girlfriend will show up at some point, but that isn't really that Christmasey at all.
• Both of my kids are in the house for the next week. We will sleep easier, albeit in a messier home.
• I have seen two movies, 7 Pounds, with the college kid and Yes Man with the high school kid, in the last three days. I LOVE going to the movies. Today I went whole hog and got a soda and popcorn. I brought gummy bears from home (not from the opened bag at the store), and dumped them in the popcorn. Yumm. I will start working on my Biggest Loser application after the new year.

One party, two party, three party NO

Well two Christmas parties in a row is all we could handle. Instead of party three, we are bundled up on the couch watching Home Alone and eating Stouffer's Mac & Cheese. Perfect.

And the Lego Gods Smiled Upon Him.....

Yesterday was a full, but decent day other than the afternoon meltdown over my student evaluations...I had to work late last night, and when I got home Mr. P had a fabulous dinner of sandwiches and Baked Lays set up on my special plate (a plastic plate in the shape of a crab). Oh, if you are wondering, I am not being facetious...I like sandwiches a lot. Especially when it gets dark early. I don't know.

Last night I also chatted a bit with my sister, and as we are getting ready to hang up, she says, "Oh, you are going to need to bring some cookies." We were supposed to be visiting my sister for the holidays, and due to lack of funds we are staying home. Anyway, on Sunday I was especially pouty about not going, and Mr. P made a very generous offer...for my Christmas, I get to go visit Steamboat and Tracy next weekend!!! I already have my ticket (well I got it about 20 minutes after he finalized the offer).

So anyway, Tracy knows how much it means to me for Steamboat and I to be tight, so she has started telling him that I will be visiting on the big plane, and we are going to make cookies. Well, he is now interpreting that as I am visiting and BRINGING cookies. So now I have a dilemma...what cookies would you pack to totally win over a 2 year old? I will have other prizes in my bag, I am not above buying the affections of this kid...I only have 2 days with him, so I have to get in the inner circle fast...then I can play and read and love and cuddle. Okay, while you are thinking of the perfect cookie, I have a few other tidbits...

The Lego Gods must have felt pity on poor Mr. P, because over the last two days he has gotten a fireman AND a tiny kitten caught in a tree. So cute (oh, I got a plastic leaf).



Also, on Sunday we got 'Walter' our Christmas tree. I love him. He is awesome. I need to tell the story of how the kiddos and I decorate, it is quite the wholesome family atmosphere you hope for when you have babies...but I will save that for my "traditions" post. Drumrollllllllllllllllllll, presenting Walter:



Last but not least...certainly not in her eyes, is my changing relationship with our damn cat. Frisky (our 6 year old named her) has now decided her and I are BFF. Anyway, this is the view from my FACE lately.



If she didn't purr so fucking incessantly I might enjoy the cuddle, but oh. my. god. And I can shoo her, put her outside, chase her upstairs, and she is just right back. There. Is it outside the realm of Christmas spirit to...ahh jeez. I was trying to decide what horrible, yet funny thing I wanted to do to her, and I turned my head to look at her purring annoying face, and she was asleep...



I am a sucker for sleeping cats. and sleeping dogs. and sleeping babies. and well, sleeping.