big green balls

of nerves are invading my body. That is what I envision going on it there anyway. My mother arrives tomorrow, and I was weirdly looking forward to it, but then I know she is going to be super annoying. She made some mention of making sure she had a fancy outfit for graduation, and I kind of was ignoring her, but now I wish I had listened better to that...I really should have gone to the dentist this week, he is typically pretty liberal with the valium. oh, and I think she (my Mom, not my dentist) found my blog, because someone googled the following and found me:

My mom drives my sister nuts with her weird food stuff. She wouldn't eat hummus because, "she didn't like the word," and wouldn't eat a wheat english muffin because she doesn't like wheat, but LOVES Triscuits. Since my sister and I both are on WeightWatchers it is likely that we will actually feast on whole wheat pitas and hummus sandwiches, and my mom will live on cigarettes and Snapple.

Then we have the other half of my parental team. My Dad will arrive on Friday afternoon, in full Harley gear, because Saturday morning he leaves with 3 of his loser friends to go on their "ride" to NYC. They can't wait to ride their bikes down Broadway. It is my Dad's "ride" which means he planned it, talked about it for a million hours, and bosses his friends around. It is obnoxious and horrific. If you live somewhere between Alabama and NYC and you see 4 old douchebags a la the movie Hog Wild....the loudest, most obnoxious one is NOT my Dad. As an aside, we are in the midst of texting now about said trip, NOT about how my kid is graduating high school. I FUCKING know that you will be on the bike. I KNOW that you leave for NJ the next day. I KNOW. You have been telling me for 6 months. I get it already.

The parents got divorced 13 or 14 years ago, and haven't been in the same place since my sister got married (that I recall). They both swear they are going to behave, which means when the other is out of earshot (hopefully) they will talk about how fat/skinny, old, weird, loud, blah the other one is. I LOVE family get togethers. Thank the baby Jesus that my sister and her gorgeous and funny toddler will be here to deflect.

My in-laws are not going to be visiting, which did kill off about half the green balls, but now we have to go there (Wyoming) in July. My mother-in-law is pretty sick, so I will hold off making fun of her until she is doing better. In the mean time I will be trying to find some fun stuff to do on the 8,023,567 mile drive that I can incorporate into my movie.

Oh, but opening night of Fiddler on the Roof was last night, and the highschool kid was very good. ONLY issue was the lady in front of me was wearing low rise jeans and I could see most of her ass the entire show. VERY distracting. oh, and because I am such a sophisticated son of a bitch, my kid said the line, "Your daughter has a quick and witty tongue," and it made me kind of snort. Maybe you just gotta know my kid.